November 25, 2011

Trailer Friday for November 25, 2011

An all new set of trailers and our hearty commentary. Enjoy.

The Sitter (December 9)



"Adventures in Babysitting meets Superbad with a smattering of Sex Drive."

"Adventures in Babysitting is right. The movie's already drawing tons of criticism around the internet for copycatting. And deservedly so -- it's the exact same movie, only with tons of f-bombs!"

"It really is disgraceful how much they stole from that movie -- reluctant babysitter, same number of kids (3), taking them into the city to an all-black nightclub, criminals chasing them... The list goes on and on."

"This seems really raunchy. What kind of parent would let their child act in a movie like this? Still, I did laugh when he whispered, 'I f**king hate you too. I'll destroy you,' to the little girl."

"Bruh, I want 'Soul Baby' to be my new nickname!"




Melancholia (Now playing)



"Melancholia is the perfect title for this film. I wanted to like that trailer but it was really depressing."

"In fairness, it's a movie about a shaky marriage set against the backdrop of a rogue planet crashing into the earth. So tell me, what's there to be happy about?"

"By the way, Kirsten Dunst won Best Actress at Cannes for this."

"That's also where the director Lars von Trier sabotaged himself by making jokes about Nazis during a press conference. It's painful to watch."

"Nazi jokes to a roomful of Frenchmen?... Dude, know your audience!"



New Year's Eve (December 9)



"Ensemble pieces like this, Valentine's Day, He's Just Not That Into You, that have the multiple storylines going on at the same time, always seem really gimmicky to me."

"Box office poison Ashton Kutcher in the same movie with box office poison Katherine Heigl... Why didn't they throw in Nicholas Cage too? This film has no chance."

"Zac Effron, Jon Bon Jovi, Carson Daly, Seth Myers... I can't imagine any heterosexual men would want to see this."

"My focus is on the women. Halle Berry is still hot. Jessica Biel looks great too. But someone needs to tell Sofia Vergara that her spicy Latina schtick is wearing thin."

"I guarantee you, Robert DeNiro will only be in that one scene you saw at the very end."



The Hunger Games (March 23)



"I know this movie's based on a popular novel but there's not a lot of originality here. I see elements of Orwell's novel 1984, Shirley Jackson's short story "The Lottery", "The Most Dangerous Game", Stephen King's "The Long Walk", and The Running Man."

"It's also very similar to The Condemned, which was distributed by the same studio -- Lionsgate."

"The release date is what concerns me. March and April are typically months where studios clear the decks for summer releases they think are going to make a lot of money. Scheduling this for March 23rd makes me think execs in the know don't believe this movie's any good."

"Stunt casting Lenny Kravitz and featuring him so prominently in the trailer should also be a warning sign."



My Week With Marilyn (Now playing)



"So I heard this is based on a supposed real-life incident that took place when Marilyn was filming The Prince and the Showgirl."

"I'm planning on seeing it. Michelle Williams is the new Jennifer Jason Leigh. Young actress who started off doing light, teen-oriented stuff. You didn't think much of her at first but she turned out to be really talented."

"Absolutely. Shutter Island, Blue Valentine... She always chooses interesting roles and she's always really good."


November 22, 2011

USC-UCLA "I Love L.A." Music Video

With college football season starting to wind down, this weekend features a full slate of games between the sports' biggest rivals -- Alabama/Auburn, Pittsburgh/West Virgina, Georgia/Georgia Tech, Ohio State/Michigan, Florida/Florida St., and one my personal favorites, USC/UCLA.

In honor of the occasion, I dug into the Pop Culture Fiend Archives and tried to find something relevant. What'd I come up with?...

Two things. An old "Beat UCLA" button I got at the USC bookstore, and this VERY old video clip of an ABC-TV produced music video promoting the game.



There was no date on the tape I culled this from, but I'm pretty sure it's circa 1989. I was able to deduce this based on clues in the video -- shots of Larry Smith (USC head coach from 1987 to 1992), USC 1989 All-American defensive back Mark Carrier (#7 in the group of players you see at the very beginning), and a cameo from Richard Lewis and Jamie Lee Curtis from the ABC comedy Anything But Love, which premiered in 1989.

I have to say, no matter who you root for in this rivalry, you gotta love this video's highly apropos use of Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." Also, if anyone sees this and can identify the blonde majorette grooving in front of the UCLA band, please hit us up on email. (We've had a crush on her for 30  years. Of course, now that I think of it, she'd be in her early fifties by now but oh well.)

Oh, and in case you're wondering, this game ended in a 10-10 tie -- the seventh and final tie in this 82 year old rivalry.



November 11, 2011

Trailer Friday for November 11th, 2011

Hi folks, it's Trailer Friday again. Check out our in-the-moment commentary on an all new crop of movies.

Immortals (November 11)

"I missed Clash of the Titans and was kind of disappointed by Troy but still enjoyed it. This looks way better than both."

"Not enough audience for this movie. It's probably gonna do poorly at the box office. Too bad -- I love my Greek mythology movies."

"I dunno, the last big picture the director [Tarsem Singh] did was that J. Lo movie The Cell, which was one of the worst movies I ever saw."



Snow White and the Huntsman (Summer 2012)



"This film has a lot to live up to. The writer got an unbelievable $3 million for what was essentially a spec script. That said, the trailer looks awesome! Of the two Snow White movies, this is definitely gonna be the one to see."

"Someone needs to return that magic mirror to Home Goods. There's no way that skinny, pasty, Kristen Stewart is "fairer" than Charlize Theron. Also, it's hard to buy Stewart as an ass-kicking action hero."

"Agreed. Seriously bad casting for that lead role. Stewart always looks so mopey and bored. Like she's thinking, 'Yeah, being a movie star sucks.'"



Project X (March 2)




"Can't Hardly Wait meets Risky Business with a smattering of The Blair Witch Project."

"First of all, they need a more original title. Project X is the name of an 80s movie about astronaut monkeys. No bullshit, Matthew Broderick was in it."

"Sex-starved teens have a wild party and wreck the house while their parents are away -- how original!"

"Here's a red flag for you -- Todd Phillips [Old School, The Hangover] is listed as producer but DIDN'T write or direct."



Justice (November 18)




"Why, oh why, do they keep giving Nicholas Cage starring roles? Box office poison."

"I say the exact same thing about Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, and Anna Faris. But seriously, this could be good. Roger Donaldson [No Way Out, Thirteen Days, The Bank Job] has a lot of great thrillers on his resume.'"

"Seems very predictable. Did anyone NOT think the favor the guy was gonna ask for was for Cage to kill someone?"



A Thousand Words (Coming soon)



"Broad, high-concept comedies like this -- Liar, Liar comes to mind -- often work. Wish I'd thought of that premise."

"High-concept... or gimmicky? It worked for Liar, Liar, not so much for Yes Man. It's all in the execution."

"I agree it's a great premise but judging from that trailer, they're not doing enough with it. I was expecting to laugh out loud watching that preview and it just didn't happen."

"This movie would work better with a stronger supporting cast. Someone like Chris Tucker as the best friend and Halle Berry instead of Kerry Washington as the girlfriend."




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November 10, 2011

Who Slept With Who On Gilligan's Island?

Over the course of human history, there have been many questions that have plagued mankind... What's the meaning of life?... Are we alone in the universe?... How could all those teenage Twilight fangirls possibly think Robert Pattinson is good looking?... And do we really need TWO Snow White movies?

But none of these questions compare to the one eternal mystery that every man, woman and child inevitably comes to ponder...

"Who had sex with who on Gilligan's Island?"

After considerable research in which I examined the series, the subtext of the individual episodes, and the psychology of the characters, I was finally able to definitively deduce who each of the castaways slept with during their many years on that damn island.



When you examine the Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan's Island, you'll see that Ginger represents lust. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that it's Ginger who is at the epicenter of all sexual activity among the castaways. So first off, Ginger did the Professor. You figure, the Professor is very studious, right?... He’s only interested in his experiments and he doesn’t pay Ginger any attention. That turns her on. (You know how chicks are always attracted to guys that ignore them.)

After that, Ginger did it with Mr. Howell. Why?.. One word, money. He probably promised to buy her a house, or jewelry or a movie studio or something after they got rescued. You see, people think that Ginger was this big famous movie star that was probably super-wealthy in her own right. The truth is Ginger was a "B"-movie actress who starred in a lot of low-budget films. Check this list of movies she mentions having starred in prior to being marooned on the island -- The Hula Girl and the Fullback, Mohawk Over the Moon, Belly Dancers of Bali-Bali, and Rain Dancers of Rango-Rango.

See what I mean? We're not exactly talking Schindler's List here, are we?

If Ginger Grant were an actress today, she'd be a lot closer to Carmen Electra than Meryl Streep. So you figure, when it came to her Hollywood career, Ginger was looking to get TO the top, by letting Mr. Howell get ON top... of her.

Okay next, Mary Ann had sex with Ginger. How do I figure?... You have to study the backstory of the characters. Mary Ann is a sweet, innocent, naïve little farmgirl from the midwest --probably still a virgin. Meanwhile, Ginger is this big Hollywood celebrity. You know, with that whole sixties, swinging lifestyle -- free love and what not. She was probably into all kinds of kinky stuff.



So one night, Ginger and Mary Ann go for a moonlight swim in the lagoon... Skinnydipping... They get back to their hut; they have a little champagne... (In case you're wondering where they got the champagne, Mr. Howell opened a case to celebrate after they escaped from the headhunters the day before.) So anyway, they’re in their hut, toweling each other off, sipping champagne... one thing leads to another... Next thing you know it turns into a late night 90s Cinemax movie starring Shannon Tweed.

Alright, later on -- not right away, but later -- after a couple of years on the island, Mary Ann and Gilligan hooked up. And that made Ginger jealous, so she seduced Gilligan and they had sex. Now I know what you’re saying, "Ginger was just a huge freakin’ slut!"... You are correct.

That leaves the Skipper. So who was banging him?... Nobody. Maybe Ginger threw him a bone one day and made out with him, or let him feel her up or something, but that's it. No coitus of any kind.

And finally, who was doing Mrs. Howell?... No one. Think about it. If you were on a deserted island and needed sexual gratification -- Mrs. Howell, or a hallowed out coconut?...

I rest my case.

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