Return of the Streaming Wars!

Here is the 4th entry in my ongoing series of audio blogs tracking the streaming industry. I cover all the important news, financials, business deals (and content) for all the major players -- Netflix, Amazon Prime, HBO Max, Paramount + and more! In this episode I discuss:

• Whether theater moviegoing is back and how this might affect the streaming industry
  
  
• The controversial redefining of what exactly constitutes a "stream"
  
  
• How Nielsen is failing in its efforts to accurately track and report viewership
  
  
• Why Apple TV+ badly needs more content
  
  
• Netflix's crackdown on account sharing
  
  
• Disney+'s $887 million operating loss in Q1

Streaming Wars Update Vol. 2, Part I

Alternate Link

Related Posts:

Streaming Wars in Full Effect!

Streaming Wars Update: Part 2

Streaming Wars Update: Part 3

Farewell Olivia

This one is a gut punch. 

I'll start with this: Olivia Newton-John was... IS... one of the best of all time. The sweet-voiced Australian crooner with the majestic name who became a global pop superstar. 

In 1978 (when I was an extremely young Pop Culture Fiend) my mom and I visited my aunt in Philadelphia for two weeks during the summer. I had just seen the movie Grease a week or so earlier and the film had a huge impact on me. Not only was it one of the most entertaining films I'd seen in my then young life, but the music was great and (like so many other pre-pubescent boys my age) I was crushing hard on Olivia Newton-John.

My aunt was fairly well-to-do and had a lot of nice things, including a fancy turntable and eclectic record collection. Her latest addition to that collection was the Grease soundtrack -- which I proceeded to play non-stop for the entirety of my two week stay. When it was finally time to go home, my aunt said to me, "You like that record so much; you can have it." 

That was the first album I ever owned.

Olivia Newton-John was one who broke a lot of trends, beginning her recording career with an entire album of covers, before ultimately evolving her own brand of country-pop, and scoring multiple hits on both of those charts (as well as the easy listening/adult contemporary.) She also set a lot of trends -- being one of the first major artists to release music videos. Her 1982 Physical video album and TV special would set a bar for the medium for years to come -- and the short haircut (with optional head band) she debuted for that album was emulated by women across the nation and became one of the most popular looks of the decade. That Physical video collection would go on to win a Grammy award and "Physical" the single was a chart topper for 10 weeks (a record that stood for ten years) making it the biggest hit of the 1980's. Olivia's aerobics themed video for the song was one that helped launch MTV (which debuted just weeks before "Physical's" release) and that same video was also clearly an inspiration for the current Apple+ series Physical, whose creators even "borrowed" the album's art design and font style.

And of course years before all of this, Olivia had become America's sweetheart when she made her Hollywood movie debut in a role customized just for her -- Australian exchange student, Sandy Olsson in the aforementioned Grease. The film broke box office records, becoming the highest grossing musical of all-time and establishing Olivia as a bona fide movie star. "You're the One That I Want", from the film's soundtrack, reached #1 and "Hopelessly Devoted to You" peaked at #3.

That same year, at the age of only 30, Olivia released her tenth studio album, Totally Hot. It reached #7 on the charts and the lead single "A Little More Love" spent three weeks at #2. Grease was the #1 film of the year, its soundtrack was the #2 album of the year, and Totally Hot went platinum. This was Olivia at the peak of her powers... she was the biggest female star in the world. Wholesome, alluring, a genre-crossing hit-maker in both music and film; she also had a squeaky clean image -- so everyone in entertainment jockeyed to work with her and advertisers in every industry wanted her endorsing their products.

This kind of success seemed almost inevitable for the talented and prolific artist. She had gained attention in Australia and Europe with her first two albums before breaking through internationally with her third LP, Let Me There, which went to #1 on the U.S. Country chart and earned Olivia a Grammy nomination for Best Country Female. The following year (1974) she continued to skyrocket. She represented the UK at 1974's Eurovision Song Contest (won by ABBA, who would later appear on one of Olivia's TV specials.) Later that year, she released If You Love Me Let Me Know, which topped both the country and pop charts. She then repeated this feat with her next effort, 1975's Have You Never Been Mellow. In doing so, she helped blaze a trail for crossover success that would later be traveled by other female singers like Crystal Gayle, Faith Hill, Shania Twain and Taylor Swift. 

Meanwhile, "I Honestly Love You" (off If You Love Me Let Me Know) soared to #1 in the U.S. (and several other countries) before winning Record of the Year at the 1975 Grammys. More cross-chart success and #1's (a lot more) followed, including:

• "Please Mr. Please" (from Have You Never Been Mellow) - #5 Country, #3 Pop, #1 Easy Listening/Adult Contemporary
• "Come On Over" (from the 1976 album of the same name) - #1 EL/AC
• "Don't Stop Believin'" (the title track from her 1976 album) - #1 EL/AC

All tolled, Olivia had 40 entries in Billboard's Hot 100. She racked up six consecutive gold albums from 1973's Let Me Be There through Don't Stop Believin' before releasing a greatest hits album and then taking on Grease, That film's success led to more movies roles, including the beloved cult classic, Xanadu, which spawned a title track that went top ten, as well as the #1 hit, "Magic" (about as perfect a pop song as was ever recorded.) Over her career, this perfection wasn't only modeled in Olivia's signature songs, but in her covers and deep cuts as well -- particularly the ethereal "Falling", "Carried Away" and "Silvery Rain" off of Physical.

    

Finally, as we reached the mid-80's and entered the 90's, Olivia's superstar status began to give way. There were still concerts, occasional film and TV roles (including Two of a Kind, which reunited her with former co-star and friend John Travolta), Grease reunions, and albums that blipped on the charts... and there was a lot of time spent battling the cancer she was first diagnosed with in 1992. 

By the 90's, amidst the rise of hip-hop/urban music, it was no longer cool to like Olivia Newton-John. She was considered too square, too white bread... a relic from the 70's.

I didn't care. Whenever the subjects came up in conversation, I continue to proudly re-state facts:

First album I ever owned: Grease soundtrack

First single I ever owned: "Hopelessly Devoted to You"

First album I ever bought with my own money: Physical

I still have all three of these (the first two on vinyl, the latter on cassette) plus ONJ's Greatest Hits Vol. 2 and Soul Kiss, both of which I bought when they were still on the charts. Years later I would add more from her catalog, including the anthology, Olivia Newton-John: Gold... 

And in memory of this talented, beautiful lady; this icon and seminal artist, I think I'm gonna charge up my AirPods, dig into my collection, and play every single one of her songs. 

R.I.P. ONJ.

What was the Best Movie Party of the 80's?

Here are your nominees:

Back to School

The setup:

Wealthy businessman Thornton Mellon -- in an effort to inspire and keep his son from dropping out -- enrolls and joins him at college. Father, son (and the son's best friend) have adjacent dorm rooms, until Thornton has the walls knocked out to create a luxury suite and then throws a post mid-terms bash to blow off some steam.

The highlights:

• Seminal 80's band Oingo Boingo plays the gig and rocks out on "Dead Man's Party."
• Police sent to break things up bring cases of beer instead.
• Thornton frolics in the hot tub with four bikini-clad coeds.

Bachelor Party

The setup:

The title says it all. Tom Hanks is groom-to-be Rick, and his brother and five degenerate best friends throw him a bachelor party "with chicks, and guns, and fire trucks, and hookers, and drugs, and booze..."

The highlights:

•  Rick's rival Cole offers him a Porsche to call off the wedding.
• "Drugs to the right, hookers to the left!"
• An Indian pimp, suicide attempts, an exotic dancer, and a donkey that OD's.

Sixteen Candles

High school hunk Jake Ryan has everyone over to his house for a rager.

• Long Duk Dong finds his Amazonian soulmate.
• Jake's girlfriend Carolyn gets her hair hacked.
• Barbells crash through the floor and destroy the wine cellar
• The aftermath: Pizzas on the turntable, suds coming out of the air vents, and Ted the geek leaves with Carolyn in a Rolls Royce.

Weird Science

The setup:

Teenagers Gary and Wyatt go mad scientist and create their dream woman -- who goes on to throw a "nasty little soiree" at Wyatt's house

The highlights:

• "A missile... A missile in my house Gary!" 
• Wyatt's grandparents placed in suspended animation (and the kitchen is blue for some reason.)
• Supernatural whirlwinds that strip girls of their clothes and send the piano crashing into a gazebo in the backyard.
• Killer mutants crash their motorcycles through the front windows.
• Aforementioned mutants dispatched by Gary and his .44 handgun

Risky Business

The setup

"Future enterpriser" Joel Goodson just wants to graduate and go on to major in business at Princeton. But when he gets mixed up with sexy call girl Lana (Rebecca DeMornay), Joel's house party becomes a high-priced brothel and his high school friends the customers.

The highlights:

• Party tunes that include Talking Heads' "Swamp" and Prince's "D.M.S.R." 
• Amidst the debauchery, Princeton admissions officer Bill Rutherford arrives to interview Joel.
• Joel and Lana duck out to make love on a real train.
• Rutherford makes a couple of new friends.

Revenge of the Nerds

The setup:

College dorks trying to form a fraternity throw a dud of a party -- until "wonder joints" and the girls of Omega Mu kick things into high gear.

The highlights:

• "Are You Ready For the Sex Girls?" (Possibly the best party song ever!)
• Booger, Poindexter, and Louis all find hook ups.
• "You Mu's sure can party!"

Logic's List of Things He REALLY Wants You to Know About Himself

Disclaimer:
I actually like Logic. I admire his creativity, his passion for his art, his sincerity, and how prolific he is. We also have a shared admiration for Nas, Kill Bill, and a certain blue-eyed crooner from Hoboken. Still, the following has to be said.

I picked up on Logic with 2017's Everybody, then went back and listened to a lot of older stuff (Under Pressure, The Incredible True Story...) I then followed him through YSIV and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, until finally, with the 2021 release of Bobby Tarantino III, I was able to articulate Logic's place on the hip-hop landscape with this statement:

"Logic is the official poster boy for mediocre rappers."

Yeah, occasionally he'll wow you with a "1-800" or a "100 Miles and Running", but generally Logic is that dude who is technically proficient as a rapper but who doesn't quite have enough personality and uniqueness to his flow. Whose rhymes are serviceable, but not memorable. Whose beats are almost interesting... until you listen closer and realize they're actually monotonous. His latest LP, Vinyl Days, is another reminder of all this. It's also a reminder -- or should I say a summation -- of all the things Logic has spent seven albums, five mix tapes, and pretty much his entire career reminding you of. It also speaks to a couple of new developments in his life we seem similarly destined to hear about for the next decade.

He's bi-racial

You're alerted to this fact quite often whenever you listen to his lyrics. Oh yes, you'll learn fast that he was "a biracial baby... born to a black father and a white mother." You'll understand in no time that he's a "BLACKWHITEBOY" from a "half breed family" because, as he explains it, "I'm black again.. fighting for credibility from the lack of blacker skin"... It gets quite tiresome at times.

And hearing him going over this same ground again and again is even more tedious than Eminem complaining about his ex.

He's from a really rough neighborhood.

Yeah, so are Ice-T, Nipsey Hustle, Naughty By Nature, Gucci Mane, Future, 21 Savage, Lil’ Durk, NWA, Biggie, Eminem, Young Thug, and T.I., just to name a dozen. Spitting rhymes about the crime-ridden area he grew up in is yet another way Logic fails to set himself apart from other rappers.

He "grinded" and "worked for SO LONG" until he finally made it...

... even though he started in high school, signed with an independent label at twenty, and got a Def Jam contract at twenty-three.

He retired (but now he's back.)

Check the chronology:
No Pressure - Released July 2020
Bobby Tarantino III - Released July 2021
Vinyl Days - Recorded 2021–2022. Released June 2022

So two albums and a mixtape in less than two years... When exactly during that brief time frame did he manage to squeeze in a retirement? 

He made a lot of money in crypto.

In the fall of 2020 Logic posted on Instagram that he invested $6 million in cryptocurrency. On Vinyl Days, he brags:

Stupid motherf**ker, oh, yeah, you got a deal
But you spent your whole advance on a chain
I invested mine in crypto, and now I'm sailin' out to Spain

And also:

Now I think I'm a good father figure 'cause I was sonnin' rappers before I was a father, go figure
My cryptocurrency is in the seven figures.

Last month it was widely reported that the overall market capitalization of crypto assets had plummeted from about $3 trillion in November 2021 to now less than $1 trillion.

Hmm... Maybe this is why he needed to come out of retirement?

He's leaving Def Jam.

Mostly on good terms it seems but to hear Logic tell it, the label still owes him a lot of money -- although you wonder why this would bother him since he made so much in crypto.

He's the best rapper alive.

If you don't want to believe Logic himself the numerous times he's staked claim to this title, then perhaps you'll trust Morgan Freeman, who on the intro of Vinyl Days, informs "every other rapper in the game that Logic is the GOAT." 

Boasting of this type has been part of hip-hop literally since Day 1 -- but with Logic you somehow get the sense that he actually believes this absurd declaration could be true. 

It's not of course. He's not the greatest rapper of all time. Not the greatest of his era. Maybe not even the greatest from the state of Maryland, depending on how you feel about Wale. 

Perhaps moving forward he'll be able to produce superior material that better demonstrates the abundance of talent and creativity he's been blessed with -- but no, right now Logic is simply a solid, often redundant, and mostly mediocre rapper.

MTV Refused to Grow Up... But Was It the Right Decision?

"I heard you on the wireless back in '52..."

In the first few moments of the MTV's launch 41 years ago today, we were greeted with those words courtesy of The Buggles and their prophetic "Video Killed the Radio Star", the very first video shown on MTV. Then, for the next ten years, we watched as the fledgling channel expertly polished, refined and improved its brand, content and image. Along the way, the 24-hour music channel became the single most significant television experience for Generation X, which at the time comprised the most important segment of America's youth. But by the early 90's MTV faced a difficult decision -- one that would completely redefine its identity and alter its pop culture legacy. Here's the story of how MTV came to that crossroads and the path it ultimately chose.

The truth is that MTV arrived with little fanfare back on that first day of August, 1981. It was a simpler time for Americans in terms of our ability to keep ourselves entertained without benefit of personal computers (coincidentally introduced by IBM just a few days later), Sony Playstations, or even VCRs. Indeed, as hard as it is to believe, this was a time when the majority of Americans were also limited to three network channels, a few local stations and PBS. Cable television changed all that. Originally intended for populations living in mountainous and remote locations, cable TV was, by the early 80’s, quickly spreading to both urban areas and their surrounding suburbs. Most Americans at the time had barely even heard of MTV. The channel was largely considered to be just another basic cable station with novelty programming that could best be described as "pop or rock music songs typically set to creative visuals or the artist's live performance."

It was tough going at first. Operating on a shoestring budget, with only five on-air personalities and a handful of production people and executives, MTV struggled its first two years but somehow still found its audience – high schoolers and college age young adults. What MTV offered back then is very similar to what Napster would provide a little less than two decades later, that is, a fresh new way to source and experience music. The record industry was floundering, coming off of some of their worst sales years ever. The glory days of the 70’s when everyone was eager to run out and buy the latest LPs by Peter Frampton, Fleetwood Mac, The Eagles, Styx and Heart were over. Disco, and to a lesser extend AOR, were dying slow deaths. New musical genres (punk, new wave, rap) were emerging and what’s more, many of these new styles were, in one way or another, actively discouraging record sales. Early rap records, for example, were often recorded on tape and sold out of the trunks of cars in the artists' local neighborhoods. Many of the most popular punk artists were either British and/or their recordings were not as readily available as other artists. The time was just right for MTV to enter, establish some common ground, and offer an exciting new platform of content for a wide range of music listeners. Despite having little more than a hundred videos to begin with, the idea of “seeing the music” was so appealing to viewers that “Hey, did you see so and so’s new video?” soon became a common question on high school and college campuses. Clearly, it had a lot to do with the fact that at the time, outside of a concert venue, there was no opportunity to experience your favorite music artists visually. The ability to view your favorite performer singing their latest hit but also have it presented in a stimulating and creative way was one of the most innovative developments in music since the invention of phonograph. 

"Lying awake intent on tuning in on you..."

MTV’s popularity grew rapidly, thanks in part to the fact that the channel came about at virtually the same time as two other innovations in the music/recording industry – the Walkman and the compact disc. Sony debuted its portable personal cassette player in 1979 and by 1982 (MTV’s second year) had perfected its design and was on its way to selling over 100 million units. Just about the same time (1982) the compact disc was introduced and was soon recognized for offering superior sound quality and being the music format of the future. The CD and the Walkman led to tremendous growth in music sales throughout the decade (see chart below) and increased interest in popular music in general.

MTV can also take credit for another music industry trend of the 80’s. The channel can take sole responsibility for breaking a number of iconic British artists here in the states, the result being something akin to a second British Invasion. Out of necessity (rather than some visionary decision making) the first two years of MTV saw a flood of English artists receiving heavy rotation on the channel -- mainly because, initially, Brits were the main ones making music videos. Going back to the mid 70's, when artists like Queen and David Bowie experimented with the music video, English artists had always gravitated towards the medium. As a result, they were the ones ready when MTV came looking for content. Enduring artists like The Police, Eurythmics, Billy Idol and Duran Duran owe their careers to MTV, and one hit wonders and lesser artists like Naked Eyes ("Always Something There to Remind Me"), Spandau Ballet ("True") and Adam Ant ("Goody Two Shoes", "Strip") experienced their brief stints at the top courtesy of the channel.

Not to say that English artists were the only ones benefiting in those early days. American artists scrambled to take advantage of the new outlet MTV provided and early videos by Cindy Lauper, The Cars and The Go-Go's, among others were MTV staples. At the time, it was a great example of a symbiotic relationship: artists make videos that get played on MTV; more people watch the channel to see the video, thereby giving the single/album more exposure and increasing sales; and finally, more people watching MTV meant more advertising dollars for the network. Everybody was happy. 

Over the years, MTV got its legs, matured and perfected the art of shameless self-promotion. Segments like "MTV News", the “I want my MTV” promos, and the MTV Video Awards (introduced in 1984) combined with the cooperation of the major record labels in providing not only content, but also access to their artists, helped MTV put an indelible stamp on the 80’s. In the process, MTV both capitalized on and helped perpetuate all of the decade’s biggest music trends, including the Michael Jackson and New Kids on the Block phenomenons, the emergence of rap/hip-hop, and the popularity of “pop metal” bands like Bon Jovi, Whitesnake and Poison. 

All the while, MTV’s programming became more and more diverse -- yet always stayed true to it’s acronym: Music Television. New shows and specials began to appear: The Top 10 Video Countdown (1984), Club MTV (1987), a series of “rockumentaries”, Yo, MTV Raps (1988), The Grind and the groundbreaking MTV Unplugged (1989) evidenced the fact that it was still all about the music.

MTV hit its peak in the early 90’s – right around the time the original MTV-generation stopped watching regularly. It wasn’t that they were no longer interested, it was just that after college, and as they neared our mid-20's, they were cornered by careers and responsibility, Suddenly, checking out the new Guns N' Roses video wasn’t as important as getting up for work the next day. MTV brass likely took notice of a dip in ratings and tried to formulate a response to what was then, the first decline in viewing since the channel’s inception. 

The result was an excessive (and in many ways unwarranted) revamping of MTV’s programming. Back in the 80’s, MTV had begun supplementing its video programming with reruns of The Monkees, animated series like Speed Racer and the old Beatles and Jackson 5 cartoons, spring break coverage from Florida, and their first original regular series, the game show Remote Control. Then suddenly, as the nineties rolled in, more new shows began to appear (among them, House of Style, The State, and additional game shows like Singled Out) -- all of which had nothing to do with music.

MTV further pushed its programming envelope with the animated anthology Liquid Television, which launched Mike Judge's Beavis and Butthead and provided a showcase for other independent animated productions, including the cult classic, Æon Flux. Equally innovative and groundbreaking was MTV's 1992 documentary series The Real World, which doesn't get nearly enough credit for being the first reality show of its type since An American Family aired on PBS in the 70's.

Make no mistake, this was the beginning. Fair warning had been given:  MTV was in the process of casting aside Generation X -- the generation that had watched so religiously and made the network a success. MTV would soon belong to Gen Y (and not long after, Millenials.)

This clip from The Simpsons satirizes MTV's marketing approach toward programming. 

Many faithful MTV viewers tried their best to roll with the changes, figuring these new shows might provide an acceptable break from MTV's video dominant format, despite being wholly inappropriate for a channel called "Music Television". And while the aforementioned The Real World and a few other shows proved to be popular and lasting, many others, like Dead at 21, were poorly received and short-lived (no pun intended.)

Perhaps it was the distraction offered by home video and the new DVD format. Maybe it was the explosion of the internet and home gaming systems like the Sony Playstation (introduced in 1994.) It might have been the meddling corporate influence of Viacom -- the multi-billion dollar entertainment conglomerate that purchased MTV in 1985 -- or maybe MTV simply went as far as it could with its all-music format. Whatever the reason, as we entered the early 2000's, MTV made its choice to consciously and permanently change its identity. Music videos would need to give way (almost entirely) to alternative programming. 

More new shows appeared that had even less to do with music: Celebrity Death Match, Cribs, Undressed at Eight, The Blame Game, and Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County to name a few. Moreover, in efforts to emulate the success of network TV hits Survivor and Big Brother (which both aired on CBS, another Viacom property) reality TV like Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica, The Osbournes and Punk'd would become cornerstones of a new MTV seeking to remake itself as a full-blown network, with original series, specials, game shows, the entire gamut. Music content would be limited and decidedly aimed at a twenty-and-under demographic, which meant an abundance of Britney, Christina, Mandy Moore, Jessica Simpson and boy bands NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. "Mature" artists -- Madonna, Prince, Hall & Oates, Janet Jackson and others -- who had built the network during the 80's were relegated to MTV's sister channels MTV2 and VH1. (Ironically, both of those channels would soon follow the same course as the original MTV, shifting their focus from music to mostly lifestyle and reality programming, reruns of acquired sitcoms, with only daily blocks of videos, typically shown very late night or early morning.) Total Request Live began its remarkable run around this time. One of MTV's few remaining music-oriented shows, TRL spotlighted pop and hip-hop videos (introduced by teenage "woo-girls" screaming shout-outs at the top of their lungs.) Before long the "new MTV" was fully formed and the remainder of its programming came to be dominated by inane "semi-reality" shows like Jackass, Road Rules, Pimp My Ride, Date My Mom, and Lovelines. By 2010, MTV ended the charade and officially dropped the words "music television" from its logo and channel description. "MTV" was now simply a name.

"If I was young it didn't stop you coming through..."

Abandoning music for reality programming... Forsaking older generations in pursuit of younger/teen audiences... Were these smart decisions? Financially speaking, the answer is almost, "Definitely yes." Business-wise, it's always smart to cater to the demographics from which the money is coming. It became clear that this was in fact the case as early as the mid-90's. That's when businesses of all types had begun marketing to kids. 

With the passing of the 1980's, young people -- who until that point had been barely tolerated (mostly seen and not heard) -- started to gain more and more influence over their parents, and in turn, those parents' dollars... 

How so?... Let's rewind.

Throughout the 90's, the U.S. economy was strong. Indeed, between 1993 and 2000, the United States exhibited the best economic performance of the past three decades. Unemployment was down; the stock market was up; and the personal saving rate was plummeting. In short, people had money, were willing to spend it, and (when it came to parents) their children were often the beneficiaries. 

Businesses of all types recognized an opportunity. Restaurants and hotels remade themselves as "kid friendly." The MGM Grand and other Las Vegas hotels spent millions on amusement parks and other family-oriented attractions. Suburban malls (traditionally the gathering place for high schoolers and pre-teens) added youth retailers like Hot Topic and Tilly's. Disney, after the massive success of their new animated features The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast, continued to crank out their G-rated fare -- and then merchandised the hell out of it. 

So with pleasing the kids now a priority -- not just for their helicopter parents, but for all of society -- Viacom (like Disney) began tweaking the marketing strategies of its entertainment properties. MTV was first on the list and its programming was radically adjusted to appeal to an even younger demo than when the channel first launched. Such a change, execs figured, would attract their sought after youthful audience and the avalanche of advertisers looking to tap into that market.

"In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind, we've gone too far."

And so it was, and so it continues. Each generation (or half generation) of MTV viewers is now aggressively marketed to and indulged before they (and the content they love) get unceremoniously discarded. Right now, it's all about targeting Gen Z, whose constituents (almost poetically) are very often the sons and daughters of those teenagers who made MTV what it was back in 1981.

Difficult as it is to face and sad as it may be, it can be no other way. Though they once were close and had great affection for each other, in time Wendy Darling had to grow up... and Peter Pan remains forever young.

Observations from a Cross-Country Drive (with Pop Culture References)

I recently drove from California to New Jersey in three days... 

That's right, three days.

Here are the takeaways and some of the high (and low) lights: 

Yuma, Arizona is unfathomably hot.

I don't mean really really hot; I mean not suitable for human beings hot. I don't even know how plant and insect life can survive hot. I stopped there to buy a sandwich, got out of the car, made it halfway through the parking lot, and was ready to turn back. Matthew Broderick in Biloxi Blues described it quite well:

There are no bagel shops in Odessa, Texas.

I spent the night there, got up and wanted to have a quick breakfast. So I asked Siri where the closest bagel shop was... She showed me a bunch of donut places... 

I asked again and the same thing happened. Upon further investigation, I learned that most of west Texas was devoid of bagels and I would need to go about 90 miles to get one. If Kramer from Seinfeld was with me he would loudly be declaring the following:

After leaving Texas I wound up in something called "Texarkana". 

As near as I could tell, this is some odd, hybrid region of the country that combines the oppressive heat of Texas with the mind-numbing hick-dom of Arkansas. Needless to say, I kept the windows rolled up and sped through it as quickly as possible, lest I encounter any of the the local yokels. 

Also while n Arkansas, I stopped at a convenience store and picked up a couple of bags of Rap Snacks.

What are Rap Snacks you ask? Well they're just plain old potato chips and other salty snacks offered in packaging with pictures of Migos, Notorious B.I.G., and even Cardi B. What's interesting is that Rap Snacks seem to be more popular and widely marketed throughout the south. It's a sobering reminder of the subtly racist tropes and stereotypes that still exist and continue to be perpetuated in this country and across every strata of our society... apparently even our consumer products packaging.

While driving through the south I was careful not to run afoul of sheriffs like Buford T. Justice and J.W. Pepper.

By far, the most tedious part of the drive was through Virginia. 

Governor Youngkin, please prioritize making your highways less boring because while driving through your snoozefest of a state, this almost happened to me twice:

Those QPCs are quite odiferous.

There are SO many rest stops in Pennsylvania and every single one of them has a McDonald's. The result is, you can smell quarter pounders up and down the highway for miles.

The Donnas are the best driving music band of all time.

The all-girl band's distinct mix of hard-charging rock and simple but fun punk-pop (e,g, "Pass It Around", "Are You Gonna Move It For Me", "Fall Behind Me") is infinitely listenable and kept my foot on the accelerator for hours at a time.

Astronomers estimate there are about 100 thousand million stars in our galaxy...

That's only about a dozen or so less than the number of bugs that splattered on my windshield over the course of my 2800+ mile journey. When it's that many bugs, combined with the 70-80 mph speed, the bugs (or what's left of them) get practically permanently embedded in the car's windshield and hood. And then you throw in the heat -- at some points upwards of 100 degrees -- and the mess all gets baked in and actually becomes part of your vehicle. Seriously, by the time I arrived in NJ the front half of my car looked like this Jackson Pollock...

Great Albums Covers: Honey, 1984 & Parallel Lines

Of all the genre-defining, hugely influential funk bands emerging out of the midwest during the 1970s (including Slave, Parliament-Funkadelic, Rufus, Dazz Band and Zapp) Ohio Players may have been the most distinctive, in part due to their album covers. After moving to the Mercury label for their fifth studio album, the band released a string of LP covers that all possessed three artistic elements. First there was the stylized lettering of the band's name -- thick and blocky with "OHIO" usually appearing transparent. Next there were the album titles, most often consisting of a single word -- Fire, Rattlesnake, Contradiction, etc. Finally, apart from chart-topping hits like "Skin Tight" and "Fire", Ohio Players' album covers were known for featuring beautiful semi- (or fully) nude African-American women. With their 1975 smash, Honey, this uninhibited celebration of black feminine beauty reached its zenith. The cover features a topless woman holding a glowing, dripping jar of honey in one hand as she sexily tilts her head back and drips more of the sticky treat into her mouth with a ladle. Playboy Playmate Ester Cordet was the model, famed Playboy photographer Richard Fegley did the shoot, and the album's art director Jim Ladwig won a Grammy award for this cover in 1976.

Depending on your perspective, 1984 is either the album where Van Halen sold out or the one where the band took an important new turn in their career by embracing and validating the synth-pop sub-genre that dominated the early 80s. However you see it, 1984's cover can stand on its own as a gallery-worthy piece of art. Created by graphic artist Margo Nahas and based on a photograph she took of her neighbor's son, the 1984 cover consists of a colorful painting of a delinquent cherub casually enjoying a smoke. His body position is curious and contorted and his attention is clearly on something unseen off to his left. Above this are the band's name and 1984 written in Roman numerals -- which only adds to the cover's Renaissance-era fresco look.

In September 1978 Parallel Lines was released and Blondie had their breakthrough album that soon topped the charts. By the following spring, on the strength of the album's third single, "Heart of Glass", Blondie was the biggest band in the world. Except by this time, Blondie wasn't Blondie anymore; Blondie was Debbie Harry -- and bandmates Jimmy Destri, Frank Infante, Clem Burke, Chris Stein and Nigel Harrison were often viewed as simply backing musicians. As erroneous as that was, Harry was unquestionably the face and identity of the band, a fact that was reinforced by the Parallel Lines cover. Harry (the commanding officer) stands front and center, with hands on her hips and a deadly serious expression on her face, while her male "subordinates" back her on both flanks. All the guys wear identical and unremarkable black suits, while Harry is luminous in a white dress and her matching (trademark) mules. If this is the Justice League, Harry is clearly its Superman. With all of this set against broad, black and white vertical stripes as a background and fire engine red cursive lettering for the band and album names, you've got one eye-grabbing album cover.

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The Art of Cinematography: Megan Fox in Transformers

Long before she began looking like a porn star, before she underwent what many believe to be (regrettable) cosmetic surgery, before giving birth to three kids, before she began a nonsensicle relationship with MGK, before all the box office flops (Jonah Hex, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, Midnight in the Switchgrass) and head-scratching side projects (Legends of the Lost), Megan Fox was every high school boy's fantasy come to life -- half girl next door, half sexy head cheerleader and hottest chick in class.

Fox made the Pop Culture Fiend's Ground Floor List way back in 2004 when she was a regular on ABC's Hope & Faith. Prior to Transformers her most high-profile film role was in the Lindsay Lohan vehicle Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, in which she was memorable as the bitchy, vengeful Carla. 

But with 2007's Transformers, the 20 year old Fox had her breakout role and positively scorched the screen as Mikaela, the ridiculously gorgeous high schooler from the wrong side of the tracks and the object of Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf's) adoration. Mikaela is beautiful but not conceited, and Fox, who at first seems far too sexy to play a high school girl, pulls off a portrayal where Mikaela becomes more down to earth and approachable the more Sam interacts with her. 

In Transformers, Fox's inherent beauty is enhanced and accentuated by the film's director Michael Bay and cinematographer Mitchell Amundsen. Bay's resume' includes Bad Boys, Armageddon and The Rock -- the latter being one the greatest action movies of all time. So whatever you want to say about Bay, the man knows how to shoot churning, frenetic, action. But he also knows how to capture the still beauty of his film's quiet moments. Take a look at this scene from 2001's Pearl Harbor:

It's clear that Bay's cinematographic mastery is not limited to car chases, explosions and CGI'd robots; he is expert at making real people look good -- beautiful in fact. The actors in the scenes above (Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale and Ben Affleck) are all flawless.

And you can say the same about Megan Fox in Transformers. Below are just of the few of the shots that lead one to ask the question titling this blog post.

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The Pop Culture Fiend's Long, Complex History with Top Gun

Top Gun: Maverick releases tomorrow and the sequel to the Tom Cruise starrer and #1 film from 1986 has me as charged up as I've been for any film since before the pandemic. Why am I so stoked for this pic?... Well first, the trailer simply blows you away. There's the amazing cinematography, the musical cues borrowed from the original film's soundtrack, and several intriguing callbacks to the first movie --  Goose's son, Maverick's motorcycle, "Great Balls of Fire" and more.

Next it's the characters. Val Kilmer  is (seemingly) returning as "Iceman", aka, Lieutenant (now Admiral) Tom Kazansky. I'm also fully expecting a cameo by one or two other actors from the first film -- possibly Meg Ryan as Carole Bradshaw.

One character we know we'll see is Penny Benjamin, the admiral's daughter alluded to in the first film as someone with whom Maverick had "a history of high-speed passes." It was throwaway line, a simple quip intended to give us insight into Maverick's reckless nature with both planes and women. But the Top Gun: Maverick screenwriters (Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr., who by the way, also penned the first film) ran with it. Penny Benjamin is now embodied by actress Jennifer Connelly (and by the way, how refreshing is it to see Cruise finally doing a movie where his love interest is age-appropriate instead of 20 years younger than him like Annabelle Wallis was in The Mummy?)

But the main reason I'm so excited for this film is that Top Gun and I have serious history. So allow me if you will to not just provide my usual type of commentary and discussion, but also offer some detailed personal tales and anecdotes about one of the most important films from my youth.

Back to the 80s

In 1986, I was working as an usher at Loews Wayne Sixplex in Wayne, NJ. It was my third summer at the theater, which at the time was one of the premier multiplexes in the state. It was early May and after about a week on the job I showed up for work one day and was greeted in the theater lobby by a roughly 8' high, 6' wide promotional display for some new movie about fighter pilots. It starred Tom Cruise, who was coming off the colossal flop Legend. In fact, at the time Cruise had starred in only one bona fide hit -- Risky Business. Even so, solid performances in All the Right Moves, The Outsiders and Taps, had Cruise on the edge of stardom... but he still needed a breakout hit.

But back to that lobby display. This thing captivated me with both its sheer size and the fact that it wasn't just a static, stand up, cardboard standee; this thing had depth; it lit up and it had moving parts. Thoughts began to stir: "This thing would look great in my room."

The hit of the summer

Top Gun was released on May 16, but few know that its release date was moved up a week from May 23. I know this because the display included a prominent "Coming May 23" declaration. Presumably, the studio (Paramount) felt good about the Top Gun's positive advance previews and also may have feared going head to head against Sylvester Stallone's Cobra, as well as Poltergeist II, which were both also released on May 23rd.

Any such fears soon proved ridiculous. Top Gun was an immediate and massive hit -- a summer popcorn movie driven by young male moviegoers who flocked to see it with their best buds (or girlfriends they'd talked out of seeing Short Circuit instead.)

As for me and my usher brethren (Mike, Steve, Kirk, Lou, John and Marcus) we embraced Top Gun probably more than any other film that played at Loews during our multi-summer tenure there. This included incessantly quoting all the best lines from the film:

• "This is what I call a 'target-rich' environment"
• "The bet is 20 dollars. You have to have carnal knowledge (of a lady this time) on the premises."
• "I don't like you because you're dangerous."
• "Slider... You stink."
• "I feel the need... The need... for speed."
• "That was some of the best flying I've seen yet. Right until the part where you got killed."
• "Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full."
• "We're too close for missiles; I'm switching to guns."
• "Goose you're such a dickhead. Whose butt did you kiss to get in here."
  "Well, the list is long  but distinguished."
  "Yeah, well so's my johnson."

We also re-enacted our favorite scenes -- even going as far as banding together to loudly sing along on "You've Lost That Loving Feelin'" in the back of a packed auditorium. Steve, meanwhile, was obsessed with Kelly McGillis's love scene halfway through the film and would regularly duck into the auditorium to catch it. We even adopted the call signs of all the Top Gun characters. Mike was "Goose"; Steve was "Hollywood"; Kirk was "Wolfman"; Lou was "Slider", John was "Merlin" and Marcus was "Sundown". 

And me?... I was a big Val Kilmer fan, so I of course was "Iceman".

But even as Top Gun continued to bring in big audiences week after week, I kept careful eye on that display. Then finally, on one of my off nights, I was out with my friend Brian (who had also worked at Loews for years) and formulated a plan. We came to the theater, seemingly just to say hang out in the lobby for awhile, but as the place was closing, we intentionally left one of the back doors slightly ajar. Then we left, waited about an hour and drove back to the theater. 

An inside job

Brian and I crept up on theater door we left cracked. Sure enough, no one had noticed, so we peeled it open and ducked into the lobby. Now because I worked there, I knew the theater had just invested in a new alarm system, complete with motion detectors, but being little more than teenagers, we didn't let that stop us. We crept along the walls to dodge the motion detectors (which we later learned weren't even activated yet) down to the lower lobby where the display sat. To get it out of the theater (and transport it back to my house) we knew we'd first have to disassemble it and put it back in the gigantic box it was shipped in. It wound up taking close to an hour to get the display broken down using tools Brian had brought.

Ultimately, we got the display into the box and were ready. We each grabbed an end and headed out the fire door, then somehow lashed this behemoth to the roof of my car, and I made the half hour drive home early in the AM, at a speed of little more than 35 mph.

Disappointingly, after reassembly, I realized the display was too tall for my converted attic room so I actually had to saw off close to foot of it in order to stand it back up. But finally the deed was done and there my Top Gun display stood for more than a decade -- Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis staring out like sentinels at me all through my twenties.

More history

In 1992, my dad took a business trip to San Diego and brought my mom, sister and me with him to have sort of a mini-vacation. Upon arrival, my mind immediately went to Top Gun and the opportunity I now had to see filming locations for one of my all time favorite movies. I visited the beaches where a lot of second unit stuff was shot, as well as Naval Air Station Miramar, home of the actual TOPGUN (Navy Fighter Weapons School.) The streets near my hotel are seen in the sequence where a pissed off Maverick speeds away on his motorcycle pursued by Charlie (McGillis). It had been six years since the film's release but the city of San Diego, I found, was still using its connection to the movie to appeal to tourists. So yeah, I bought my fair share of Top Gun t-shirts and merchandise. 

But the absolute highlight for me was visiting the Kansas City Barbecue. The place is right on Harbor Drive in downtown San Diego and was the location for the Top Gun scenes where Goose (Anthony Edwards) and Maverick drink, play piano and sing "Great Balls of Fire." I stumbled across it purely by accident but visited twice during my trip. Predictably, this bar/restaurant was packed with Top Gun memorabilia -- movie stills, framed photos, the piano Goose plays, and yes, the same exact promotional display I had pilfered from Loews. The place even proudly advertised itself as "Kansas City Barbecue: Top Gun sleazy bar scene filmed here" and sold t-shirts declaring the same.

Kansas City BBQ

Eight years later I actually moved to California and my first residence, before eventually planting stakes in the city of San Diego proper, was in Oceanside, which sits way up in north county San Diego. It's famous for its surfing, its pier and of course, its connection to Top Gun. Charlie's cozy little beachside cottage, where Maverick arrives late for dinner, sat literally steps from the beach and the aforementioned pier. During my first few months living in Oceanside, my workout runs took me unknowingly right past this house. I literally jogged by it dozens of times and only later learned of its cinematic pedigree.

Years later, what came to be known as the "Top Gun house" fell into disrepair and when "downtown" and beachfront Oceanside (including the block the house sat on) underwent redevelopment, its future seemed uncertain. Fortunately, the local historical society recognized the home's significance, funded its restoration and had it moved north from its original location to the beachfront courtyard of the Mission Pacific Hotel, about 200 yards up the street. The house was repainted to match its 1986 light blue color, restored close to its classic look, and is now home to (of all things) a specialty pie shop  where tourists come to see the Top Gun memorabilia on its walls and take pictures on a replica of Maverick's motorcycle parked out front.

The Top Gun house on film (left) and in real life (right).

The Top Gun house - May 2022

So why was Top Gun such a hit and why does it deserve all this remembrance anyway? 

Well for starters, it was a riveting actioner that didn't rely on the usual conventions -- gunplay, speeding cars and the like. Plus, the action didn't take place in the usual (i.e., terrestrial) setting. Instead, Top Gun gave us rarely seen action in the form of supersonic jets -- soaring, dipping, spinning, engaged in aerial combat -- and it gave us this action 40,000 feet in the air. It was an unprecedented offering that appealed to both testosterone-infused young male audiences and military enthusiasts.

Speaking of the military, we shouldn't underestimate Top Gun's leveraging of the Cold War, which in 1986 was still very palpable. Like Rocky 4 and Rambo: First Blood Part II, both released the year prior, Top Gun made villains of the Russians and played to a strong sense of jingoism. Audiences cheered unashamedly when Maverick shot down the Russian MIGs, the same way they did when Rocky knocked out Ivan Drago. Indeed, Cruise's character was seen as something of a modernized Eddie Rickenbacker. In fact, Top Gun's popularity was so rousing and its glamorization of fighter pilots so profound, at the Loews I worked at, representatives from the U.S. Navy showed up one day asking if they could set up a temporary recruiting station outside the theater.

Top Gun also endures due to a perfectly cast ensemble of actors. Cruise was the perfect actor to play the Maverick role:  a burgeoning matinee idol with a cocksure persona and shit-eating but lovable grin. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him. Kilmer, who had already starred and impressed in both Top Secret and Real Genius was just as handsome and charismatic. McGillis, Kilmer's classmate at Julliard, also had two major roles on her resume. She had starred in the critically acclaimed Reuben, Reuben and had earned Golden Globe and BAFTA nominations for her role in Witness, which at the time put her on the short list of Hollywood's top young dramatic actresses. Anthony Edwards, as Goose, was Maverick's likable, wisecracking sidekick, and Meg Ryan (in her first major role) as Goose's wife was positively adorable. The cast was rounded out by the stern and steady Tom Skerritt as "Viper" and the rough and rugged Michael Ironside as "Jester".

The onscreen chemistry was a byproduct of real life. The cast's principals clicked, formed friendships and sometimes more. Edwards and Ryan would later become a real-life couple, McGillis started a relationship with Barry Tubb (Wolfman) and they and the rest cast would regularly hang out together after shooting wrapped for the day. 

Top Gun's music also plays a part in its longstanding popularity. Beginning with the film's opening shot, when Harold Faltemeyer's beacon-like instrumental gives way to searing Steve Stevens guitar work, music is an integral part of the Top Gun experience. Legendary producer Georgio Moroder, one of the architects of disco, was the driving force behind the the Top Gun soundtrack. Moroder had a track record of writing and producing hits for movie soundtracks, including Blondie's "Call Me" from Amercan Gigolo and Irene Cara's "Flashdance... What a Feeling" from Flashdance. For Top Gun, Moroder penned "Danger Zone" which was performed by Kenny Loggins and became a Top 40 radio smash. Moroder also composed Teena Marie's "Lead Me On" (played during the bar scene when Maverick first meets Charlie) and Berlin's "Take My Breath Away", which went to #1 in the U.S. and several other countries and won the Academy Award for Best Original Song. The rest of the soundtrack featured tunes by heavyweights Cheap Trick and Loverboy, plus another cut by Loggins -- "Playing With The Boys". Though never a radio hit, the song was instantly memorable (and later became something of a gay anthem) due to its placement during Top Gun's famous beach volleyball scene.

So now it's now 36 years later and Top Gun remains an 80's classic and "guy movie" staple, right up there with Die Hard and Lethal Weapon. It's sequel is already getting fantastic reviews and being hailed as one of the best movies (not action movies, "movies") in years. There's also been plenty of advertising and promotion -- billboards, bus shelter ads, the works. All of it gets me even more charged for this film. So when I go see it this weekend, fair warning to all the movie chains out there... Keep close tabs on your lobby display.

Introducing the NBA's "Somehow Still Underrated" Team

The NBA playoffs are here and the bright lights are on the league's biggest stars. But let's take a moment to give love to some players who are every bit the equal of those aforementioned "stars but never seem to receive their due accolades. To wit, here is the NBA's "Somehow Still Underrated" team comprised of guys who have been flat out balling for a minimum of five seasons but haven't gotten nearly enough headlines, press or All-Star consideration.

The Starters

Karl Anthony Towns - Minnesota Timberwolves - 7 seasons

True centers that are legitimate three-level scorers are a rarity. Towns is one of the few and also gets it done on the boards, averaging  more than 11 per game over his seven seasons. And get this, when it comes to their career numbers, Towns has outperformed 2-time MVP Nikola Jokic in scoring, rebounding, three point shooting AND free throw percentage, and also bests Joel Embiid in all of those categories, with the exception of rebounding where he barely trails (11.4 to 11.3.) Towns also averages more rebounds and assists and has higher field goal, free throw and three point percentages than Anthony Davis. Plus Towns is the only center to win the NBA All-Star Game 3-point contest AND skills challenge. Yet with all that, the guy has only made All-NBA one time (and that was third team selection way back in 2018.) 

Nicolas Batum (14 seasons)

His numbers aren't super impressive but it's the Frenchman's ability to fit in and contribute no matter the team (he's been a Blazer, Hornet, and a Clipper) or how many minutes he gets. "Three & D" players have become a necessity in the NBA and Batum is one of the best. He's been a double figure scorer eight times and is also a great passer -- averaging more than five assists per game in four different seasons. A true "glue guy" Batum never fails to crack the rotation regardless of changes to his team's roster and he always seems to be on the floor during those critical last five minutes of the game. If that's not enough, he's regularly called upon to defend the opponent's best wing and has emerged as a feared shot blocker.

Jaylen Brown - Boston Celtics - 6 seasons

Though he plays Robin to Jayson Tatum's Batman, Brown is as skilled a swingman as there is in the league -- on par with the likes of the much more heralded Paul George and Jimmy Butler. He has averaged 22.8 points and 6-plus rebounds over the last three seasons on a very efficient 47.9 FG%. Over that span, those numbers are better in all three categories than most of the league's other top second options, including Khris Middleton (20.4 points, 5.8 rebounds, 47.2 FG%) and Fred Van Vleet (19.1, 4.1, 40.1) Brown is such a pure and versatile scorer and so adept at creating his own shot (whether it's off dribble penetration or pull up jumpers) he'd be averaging 30 points a game if he didn't have Tatum as a teammate.

Reggie Jackson - Los Angeles Clippers - 13 seasons

The Clippers combo guard has spent most of his career playing second fiddle to guys like Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook and Kawhi Leonard. Jackson finally broke out during last season's playoffs when he upped his scoring average to 18 a game as the Clippers bounced top-seeded Utah in the conference semis. Jackson then topped that by scoring over 20 a game and giving the Phoenix backcourt all they could handle in the conference finals. This year, with Leonard out for the season and George missing 51 games, Jackson filled in as the team's number one option by averaging 16.8 and doling out close to five assists. Jackson also routinely closed games for the Clips and led them to wins where they came back from 20+ point deficits an astounding five different times. 

Dejounte Murray - San Antonio Spurs - 6 seasons

21 points... 8 rebounds... 9 assists... That's what Murray averaged this year. The young (25-year-old) star has improved his stats in each of these categories every (full) season he's played and oh by the way, he also led the league in steals this year. Murray only made his first All-Star Game appearance in 2022 as a replacement selection for an injured Draymond Green -- which was a travesty because Murray's points, assists and rebounds were all better than All-Stars Fred Van Vleet and Jimmy Butler, who were both voted in.

The Bench

CJ McCollum - New Orleans Pelicans - 9 seasons

It's no surprise McCollum makes this list; he's been overlooked since his college days at Lehigh, where he finished his career as the all-time leading scorer in the Patriot League and was a 2-time conference player of the year. Despite playing in the same Portland backcourt as Damian Lillard, McCollum developed into a midrange assassin offensively and averaged 19.2 on 45.5% shooting and nearly 40% on threes) while providing leadership and great on-court decision-making. Since moving on to New Orleans, McCollum has upped his game to 24.3 and 5.8 assists over 26 games and led the team to the playoffs for the first time in four years.

Steven Adams - Memphis Grizzlies - 9 seasons

Adams is the epitome of a lunch pail guy and good for a minimum 10 points and 10 rebounds every single night he's out there. He's also one of the strongest big men in the league, which helps make him a force down low on both ends of the court. A perennial top five offensive rebounder and superior passer from the post, Adams has been selfless player in OKC, New Orleans and now Memphis, where he reliably rebounds, fires outlets to initiate the offense, sets great screens, and facilitates for superstar Ja Morant.

Brandon Ingram - New Orleans - 6 seasons

Coming to the Pelicans in the Anthony Davis trade is the best thing that ever happened to this former L.A. Laker. Since that deal, Ingram has won most improved player and become one of the league's most versatile scorers, pouring in 23.4 a game this season -- nearly ten more than he was averaging in Los Angeles. Ingram also length, which makes it difficult for opponents to get good looks against him. Though he did make the All-Star game last year, Ingram's skill and production has been too often ignored since Zion Williamson became his teammate, but make no mistake, right now Ingram is the overall better player.

Spencer Dinwiddie - Dallas Mavericks - 8 seasons

Maybe it's the fact that his name makes him sound less like an NBA player and more like a social studies teacher but Dinwiddie is the perfect third guard. With the exception of 2020-21, when he only played three games for Brooklyn, Dinwiddie has been a double figure scorer for six straight seasons. He's also proven he can carry a team offensively. In 2019-20, he averaged 20 points, 7 assists and was the Nets leading scorer before Kyrie Irving came to the squad late in the season. Dinwiddie plays in Dallas now and when Luka Doncic is off the court, Dinwiddie is the team's clear go-to guy, in  part because he's unafraid to take big shots late in games.