March 21, 2024

Darth Vader's Lamest Excuses for Being Late for His Meeting with the Emperor

Needed extra time to iron my cape. Can't intimidate the rebel scum with wrinkles you know!

Doctor's appointment. (Not sure if you can tell but I kind of have a breathing problem.)

TIE fighter got stuck in traffic. Who would have thought there'd be rush hour in hyperspace?

Buried in paperwork -- mostly workers comp claims from Death Star explosion.

Darth Vader in his office facing a mountain of paperwork

Got delayed on Tatooine. Turns out, they actually weren't the droids we're looking for.

Lightsaber wasn't working. Went to Target to snag fresh batteries. 


Darth Vader changing the batteries in his light saber

Disturbance in the Force upset my stomach. Had to stop at Rite Aid for some Pepto Bismol.

Hungover from drinking games last night. (Pro tip: Never try to chug against Jabba the Hut.)

Darth Vader and Jabba the Hut in a bar chugging beers

Lost track of time trying to learn all the Stormtroopers first names. (Why do all these guys have to look so much alike anyway?)

Force-choked another imperial officer and got called in to HR.

Family emergency. Had to reveal my identity to my son and then chop off his hand.


March 20, 2024

Great Album Covers: A Momentary Lapse of Reason, Superman & Dookie

Pink Floyd album A Momentary Lapse of Reason

Pink Floyd's A Momentary Lapse of Reason -- unlike many of the band's greater efforts (The Final Cut, Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall) -- is not a concept album. The cover photo, on the other hand, is highly conceptual, conveying ideas of isolation, loneliness and irrationality. When contemplating prospective cover art, lyrics from the album track "Yet Another Movie" brought images of an empty bed to Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour. Gilmour explained his idea to Storm Thorgerson whose design firm was responsible for several notable rock album covers including the aforementioned Dark Side of the Moon, Led Zeppelin's Houses of the Holy and Pieces of Eight by Styx. Thorgerson's final design was a type of installation art that provided a nod to the album's track list and incorporated a soaring hang glider ("Learning to Fly") and several dogs ("Dogs of War") occupying an English beach with not one, but 700 carefully arranged wrought iron Victorian beds. Though shot on a typical gray day, the sky we see has a lovely purplish hue, which gives the photo and this cover a wonderfully serene feel. 

Barbra Streisand album Superman

Barbra Streisand's nineteenth album would be one of her best-selling. Released in 1977 when she was coming off the success of the chart topping "Evergreen" single and three straight box office hits (The Way We Were, Funny Lady and A Star is Born) Streisand was arguably at the peak of her career and rightly being considered the biggest female talent in entertainment. But on the Superman cover she belies prevailing opinions with a simple, demure pose against a plain blue backdrop. Wearing a white t-shirt emblazoned with the Superman logo, knee socks and white shorts, Streisand is shy but coquettish as she sheepishly cocks her head and tugs down on her shirt. Adorable!

Green Day album Dookie

Like Never Mind the Bullocks Here's the Sex Pistols, Green Day's Dookie is more than just a major label debut, it's a pronouncement. Just as the Sex Pistols' album had seventeen years prior, Dookie makes the statement: "We're here; we're kicking the effing doors in and we're changing the face of punk." Unfortunately, despite the fact that their lone album is considered one of the seminal works of its genre, the Sex Pistols didn't last. Green Day, however, is closing in on five decades of punk rock relevancy. 

Dookie's cover is everything you'd expect from a punk album -- frenetic, irreverent, iconoclastic. In a jam-packed R. Crumb-like illustration by artist Richie Bucher, we see bombs dropped from a plane, a giant mushroom cloud, the "Bad Year" blimp, funny renderings of Patti Smith, fat Elvis and AC-DC's Angus Young; a satyr, a prospector, a giant talking fly, the woman from the first Black Sabbath album, and tons of dogs hurling their feces.

Apart from all the (often scatological) chaos you'll find, the Dookie cover is also a tribute to Green Day's old stomping ground of East Bay, San Francisco. The setting of the entire illustration is downtown Berkeley and Bucher includes representations of several locals from the East Bay punk scene along and the UC Berkeley Marching band. There's also a shout out to Huey Newton, the former Black Panther leader whose base of operations was just a few miles to the south in Oakland, 

This is nowhere close to a full list of all the characters, Easter eggs and inside jokes included on this cover. I bought it when it first came out in 1994 and honestly, I'm still discovering things I hadn't previously.

March 14, 2024

This World Changing Event Took Place Under Cover of the New Millennium...

Cover of The New York Times from Jan 1, 2000

While exploring the Pop Culture Fiend Archives, I came across the New York Times from Jan 1, 2000 -- which I obviously saved because it was the first 21st century edition of one of the largest newspapers in the country. Upon examination, I noticed that overlooked among the banner headline and all the talk about the new millennium was a story about the surprise resignation of Russian President Boris Yeltsin and the installation of one Vladimir Putin. 

Yeltsin resigned due to several factors, including instability in his Cabinet, health issues, a bribery scandal, and cratering popularity among the Russian people due to overall ineffectiveness. Under Putin, Russia has reverted toward its former identity on the world stage as an aggressor, enemy of the U.S., and a major threat to world democracy. Indeed, "President" Putin has become a de facto dictator who, in just a few days, will almost certainly be "elected" to his fifth term thanks to his continuous suppression and outright elimination of any true opposition. 

For close to a quarter century now, Putin has created havoc across the globe -- allying with State Sponsor of Terrorism-designated Syria, cozying up with communist China, invading and advancing a war against Ukraine, poisoning and otherwise assassinating multiple political enemies, interfering in the 2016 U.S presidential election, and rigging elections in his own country. 

Clearly we all had no idea how thuggish and sinister Putin would be back on 1/1/00 but this issue of the New York Times unknowingly announced the start of it all.