Darth Vader's Lamest Excuses for Being Late for His Meeting with the Emperor

Needed extra time to iron my cape. Can't intimidate the rebel scum with wrinkles you know!

Doctor's appointment. (Not sure if you can tell but I kind of have a breathing problem.)

TIE fighter got stuck in traffic. Who would have thought there'd be rush hour in hyperspace?

Buried in paperwork -- mostly workers comp claims from Death Star explosion.

Got delayed on Tatooine. Turns out, they actually weren't the droids we're looking for.

Lightsaber wasn't working. Went to Target to snag fresh batteries. 

Disturbance in the Force upset my stomach. Had to stop at Rite Aid for some Pepto Bismol.

Hungover from drinking games last night. (Pro tip: Never try to chug against Jabba the Hut.)

Lost track of time trying to learn all the Stormtroopers first names. (Why do all these guys have to look so much alike anyway?)

Force-choked another imperial officer and got called in to HR.

Family emergency. Had to reveal my identity to my son and then chop off his hand.