May 10, 2009

Bring Back… Hardbodies

The feature film (and 80s Cinemax classic) Hardbodies was released 25 years ago this week. There's nothing really remarkable about this movie but it may deserve at least minor cult status thanks to its classic 80's-brand of raunchy humor, gratuitous nudity, and plain ole watchability (this in spite of the film's bad acting and dopey story.) 


Like other movies of its ilk and era (e.g., The Malibu Bikini Shop, Hot Dog: The Movie, Fraternity Vacation) Hardbodies wasn’t very successful at the box office, but began to catch on after runs on late night cable. The film even earned a sequel (Hardbodies 2) which curiously was set in Italy, had almost an entirely new cast, and almost nothing to do with the original. 

Hardbodies' plot centers on Scotty Palmer (Grant Cramer), a popular soCal surfer dude who’s enlisted by three middle-aged guys (a hairy guido, a southern good ole boy, and a fat loser) to help them score with the resident young beach babes.

Cramer later had a nice run on The Young and the Restless but is also known for his role in the comedy-horror cult classic, Killer Klowns from Outer Space. The only other memorable Hardbodies cast members are Courtney Gains as Scotty’s friend Rag (who portrayed teenage preacher Malachi in Children of the Corn) and the then unknown all-girl 80's band Vixen. The group appears in multiple scenes performing the songs "Computer Madness" and "Mr. Cool" but later had legit top 40 hits with "Edge of a Broken Heart" and "Cryin’". 

As for those dozen or so beach babes (who naturally appear in various states of undress throughout the movie) true 80's cinephiles may recognize actresses Teal Roberts (Scotty’s girlfriend Kristi) as the stripper in Beverly Hills Cop II; Kathleen Kinmont from TV’s Renegade and the aforementioned Fraternity Vacation; perennial bikini contest competitor Leslee Bremmer; Kristi Somers from Tomboy, and Darcy DeMoss from Can’t Buy Me Love

All in all, Hardbodies is (at best) a bad movie but a guilty pleasure and one that many who were teenagers in the 80's might want to see again for old times sake. Unfortunately, it’s currently unavailable on DVD so let's hope that whoever holds the rights (RCA/Columbia Pictures?) will get their act together and bring Hardbodies back soon so we all don’t have to start trolling eBay for a used VHS copy. 

Finally, if you're in the soCal area, the New Beverly Cinema in Los Angeles is having a one night only screening of Hardbodies on June 8th. In the meantime, enjoy the theme song -- it's painful to listen to but will still somehow get stuck in your head!

 

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