5 Films Hollywood Needs to Get to Work On

Back in 1990, my friend Steve and I were riding down the New Jersey Turnpike in a rented truck, delivering furniture to his parents' new home in Pennsylvania. The experience was memorable for two reasons. First, an 18-wheeler traveling right next to us blew a tire and scared the crap out of us. And second, we spent a good portion of the two hour drive reminiscing about one of our favorite childhood animated series, Speed Racer. Steve and I then proceeded to discuss how the show was a cult favorite, how the protagonist and premise (a young race car driver with a unique, high tech automobile) were ideal for the big screen, and the chances of us ever seeing a live-action Speed Racer movie. We then shared ideas about casting, including Johnny Depp as Speed (remember, this was 1990), Depp's former real-life girlfriend Winona Ryder as Trixie, Alec Baldwin as Racer X,  Fred Savage (The Wonder Years) as Spritle, Wilford Brimley as Pops and Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee "Bubbles" as Chim-Chim.

Keep in mind, this was more than a decade before an ACTUAL Speed Racer movie would even take its first steps into production. Which is why, as ridiculous as we know it is, Steve and I still consider the Speed Racer movie OUR baby. So when the the Wachowskis gave us that hot mess of a picture back in May of 2008, we were both sorely disappointed and extremely bitter. A movie that we had wished and waited so long for, had been ruined. 

So there's nothing left for me to do now but move on and as I do, consider the other fantastic properties we need to see made. It's baffling to me how the Hollywood studios can't seem to get out of their own way and ink the deals needed to get these films into production. If they ever do, each of the following is a potential blockbuster that could earn huge dollars at the box office.

The Six Million Dollar Man

  

The premise of the 1970's series starring Lee Majors sees a test pilot/astronaut critically injured in a crash, fitted with bionic implants and turned into a government operative. I'm thinking Ryan Gosling -- who coincidentally recently starred in the movie adaptation of another Lee Majors series (The Fall Guy) -- for the role of Colonel Steve Austin.

Status Update: Several years ago, there were rumors of a Six Billion Dollar Man (Inflation's a bitch -- ain't it?!) being developed by the Weinstein Company, directed by Bryan (X-Men) Singer and starring Leonardo DiCaprio. More recently, there have been ongoing efforts to create a movie version with Mark Wahlberg attached to star. That project has been in development for almost a dozen years. Despite various delays and changes in filmmakers, Wahlberg remains committed to the project, stating that he's "still grinding every day to get it made."

The Warriors remake

The 1979 original was a low-cost surprising moneymaker for Paramount. Though the idea of New York City gangs dressed as mimes, wearing Yankee uniforms and Kiss-like makeup, and sporting silk purple vests and fedoras is light years beyond hokey, subsequent to its initial theatrical release, the film garnered huge cult status via cable and home video. In 2005, we even got a Warriors video game. As we near its 50th anniversary, a proper, more modern big-budget remake would be spectacular in the hands of a master of gritty violence like Breaking Bad writer/producer/director Vince Gilligan.

Status Update: Plans for a remake go at least as far back as 2005, when the Scott brothers (Ridley and Tony) were reportedly set to produce and direct. In 2016, the Russo brothers (The Avengers) were reportedly developing a TV adaption for Hulu but that project seems to no longer be on the radar.

The Donner Party

The Donner Party was a group of American pioneers in the 1840's who set out to California from Missouri. Through an incredible series of circumstances and misfortunes, the group was trapped by snow and forced to winter in Sierra Nevada, where members of the party succumbed to starvation, exposure, disease, and trauma before resorting to cannibalism. It's an absolutely riveting story and although the disaster movie genre that gave us classics like The Poseidon Adventure, Towering Inferno and Airport, has largely died out, here's a perfect opportunity to bring it back. I'm thinking an all-star cast featuring Kit Harrington, Emma Stone, Tom Holland and Tobey Maguire in key roles.

Status Update: In 1978, there was a TV movie titled Donner Pass that recounted the story and in 2009, Crispin Glover starred in The Donner Party, a straight-to-DVD thriller in the vein of Alive, that takes certain liberties in retelling the actual events. Then in 2011, a feature film also titled Donner Pass was released. Billed as "a twisted take on the legend of the Donner Party", it was a historically inaccurate and pedestrian slasher pic about teens stranded in one of the Donner Party's old cabins who (rather predictably) get mysteriously killed and eaten one by one. There have also been multiple documentaries and made for TV movies about the Donner Party, such as Dead of Winter: The Donner Party (2015). 

The last real attempt to tell this story onscreen seems to be an adaptation of the novel The Hunger which purportedly incorporated the story of the Donner Party with a "Walking Dead-style twist." That project was being developed by 20th Century Fox, with Luke Scott (son of Ridley) set to write and direct -- but that was nine years ago and since then, nothing.

Logan's Run 

The 1976 thriller Logan's Run is set in a future dystopian society where people live a care-free, hedonistic lifestyle... until they're ceremoniously death-rayed at the age of thirty in order to control the population. As science fiction, the film has a cheesy, 1950's-type perspective of life in the future. But at the same time, it offers sobering Orwellian perspectives on totalitarian rule, how much humans should entrust to technology, and the dangers that come with blindly accepting the status quo.

Status Update: A proposed Logan's Run remake has bounced around Hollywood for years with various above the line talent attached, including screenwriter Will Beall (Justice League) and directors Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Caribbean) and Joseph Kosinski (Top Gun: Maverick). Ryan Gosling was once rumored to star but he's far past 30 now. I'm thinking Timothy Chalamet, with directorial duties handled by Christopher Nolan, if you want to go big screen, but I can also picture Logan's Run as a multi-year Max or Netflix series that takes its time revealing the backstory of how exactly our culture and society went so far off the rails.

The Go-Go's 

The fact that a Runaways biopic was produced and released and we're still waiting for a Go-Go's movie is bizarre. Yes, when it comes to girl bands, the Runaways were trailblazing female rockers but the Go-Go's sold more records, were the first to have a number one album, had more hit singles, are members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, are still performing together forty-seven years after they formed, and quite simply, are more iconic.

I had the idea for a Go-Go's film no later than 2001, and even started work on an extended treatment. For casting, I suggested the following (at the time) young, up and coming actresses: Christina Ricci as Jane Weidlin, Eliza Dusku as Kathy Valentine, Leelee Sobieski as Charlotte Caffey, Tara Reid as Gina Schock, and Charlize Theron or Kate Hudson as Belinda Carlisle.

Status Update: Over the years, the band has kicked around the idea of commissioning a script, but it's never happened largely because members of the band are hesitant about relinquishing rights, giving up creative control and airing their dirty laundry. Additionally, on multiple occasions, disagreements over compensation and royalties owed have created issues within the group. None of this seems to matter anymore though, as the poor performance of The Runaways all but killed any chance of a Go-Go's film ever seeing the light of day. Still, it's fun to imagine Lily-Rose Depp as Carlisle and Jenna Ortega as co-founding member Weidlin.

Belinda Carlisle and Lily-Rose Depp

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Shout Out to: Dian Parkinson

Now defunct Stuff magazine (the sister publication of Maxim) used to have a department called “Babes of Yore” which would remember female sex symbols of the past (e.g., Heather Locklear, Farrah Fawcett, Raquel Welch.) Stuff is no longer around but in that same spirit this particular entry in the “Shout Out to:” series recognizes babe of yore Dian Parkinson. 

Dian was one of the three models appearing on The Price is Right game show during its heyday in the 1970s and 80s. Beginning her career as a beauty pageant winner (Miss World USA 1971) Diane started on TPIR four years later and quickly became a favorite among male fans of the show. Recognizing Dian's seductive look and buxom figure, plus sex appeal that came right through the TV screen, TPIR producers made it a point to showcase (no pun intended) her assets on a regular basis. Male viewers would always tune in for the last ten minutes of the show hoping the showcases at the end would include a hot tub, trip to Hawaii, or some other prize that would feature Dian appearing in a bikini. Incredibly, Dian was able to keep her amazing figure well into her 40s. 

Regrettably, Dian never branched out to do movie roles, TV guest spots or anything other than TPIR. In 1991 however, Playboy, which had pursued her for years, finally convinced her to pose for their magazine. The result was one of the highest selling issues of all time and a curtain call second pictorial in the May1993 issue. A Playboy newsstand special and celebrity centerfold video followed, but again Dian never capitalized on her popularity and the boost the Playboy publicity gave her. She finally retired from TPIR at age 49 after filing a lawsuit against Bob Barker for sexual harassment. The suit was later dropped and Dian has since disappeared from public life. Still, she apparently remains in the memories of many others — so much so that there are several compilations of her TPIR swimsuit work all over YouTube.

Unbelievably, Dian turns 77 in November but for those who grew up in the 70s and 80s, she remains the ultimate sexy older woman and late morning game show treat.

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What the Hell Happened to Maxim?

Bruce Lee's 10 Most Memorable On-Screen Moments

With the new documentary I Am Bruce Lee about to hit theaters, it's a good time to recall these amazing Bruce Lee scenes:

10. Bruce vs James Garner's office (Marlowe)

One of Bruce's celebrity students was screenwriter Sterling Silliphant. Silliphant, who won an Oscar for In the Heat of the Night, became good friends with Bruce and wrote a part for him in the 1969 film Marlowe. Bruce plays a heavy sent to warn private investigator Phillip Marlowe (James Garner) off a case. Bruce does this by demolishing the guy's office with a flurry of kicks and chops and a flying kick that takes out an overhead light. This scene was Bruce's first appearance in a feature-length Hollywood picture.




9. One on one against The Boy Wonder (Batman)

This one makes it purely on the novelty factor. The second season of the Batman TV series featured a crossover episode where the Green Hornet and Kato fought and later teamed up with the Batman and Robin (Burt Ward.) On the day this was filmed, Bruce (as a joke) pretended he was pissed off and intended to fight Ward for real. Ward repeatedly backed away from Bruce and tried to remind his opponent that it was “only a TV show”. Only after Bruce could no longer keep a straight face did he let the terrified Ward in on the gag.




8. Battling Chuck Norris in the Roman Colosseum (The Way of the Dragon aka The Return of the Dragon)

A classic fight against the world's second most famous martial artist, filmed in an incredibly unique and exotic location.



7. Nunchaku showdown against Dan Inosanto (Game of Death)

In Game of Death, Bruce plays a retired martial arts champion forced to infiltrate a heavily guarded pagoda. Bruce fights his way up the five-story structure, facing off against a different martial arts master on each level. Incredibly, Bruce never had extensive training with “nunchucks” and had only learned to use them a few years earlier.




6. 1965 screen test

Hollywood “discovered” Bruce at the 1964 Long Beach International Karate Championships, where a producer saw him performing his famous “one-inch punch” and two-finger push-ups. This eventually led to this famous screen test where Bruce charmingly converses with his director and then explains and demonstrates kung fu. (By the way, couldn't they have found someone under the age of 80 for Bruce to demonstrate his moves on?)




5. Taking on an entire Bushido school (Fist of Fury aka The Chinese Connection)

In Fist of Fury (previously known in the states as The Chinese Connection) Bruce seeks revenge against a Japanese school that has insulted his people and poisoned his master. Here, Bruce takes out every last student and their sensei. The victory despite overwhelming odds, as well as the overhead camera angles and intermittent dance-like choreography in this scene is emulated in The Bride vs The Crazy 88 battle in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill: Vol. 1.



4/3. Tie: Owning Bob Wall (Enter the Dragon)...

In Enter the Dragon, Bruce warns his opponent, “Boards don't hit back.” Still I always feel bad for Bob Wall. He gets housed in several Bruce Lee movies but is particularly humiliated here. Look at him... face all cut up, kicked square in the nuts, can barely stand or defend himself, and then he gets stomped to death... Sheesh!

and Bruce vs Kareem (Game of Death)

Before he was “Roger Murdock” in Airplane, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was one of Bruce's students. When shooting wrapped on The Way of the Dragon, Bruce learned that Kareem was in Hong Kong and quickly arranged a meeting to film fight scenes for the yet to be scripted Game of Death. Bruce gave Kareem his first movie role playing the villainous Hakim, and from a physical standpoint alone, the fight between the 7' 2” Abdul-Jabbar and the 5' 7” Lee is astounding to watch. (You've gotta love that seated snap kick that leaves the giant footprint on Bruce's chest!)


The iconic yellow and black track suit Bruce wears has been replicated and paid homage to in everything from video games, to SpongeBob Squarepants cartoons, Sugar Ray's “When It's Over music video, and numerous films including Revenge of the Nerds, Kill Bill, and The Last Dragon.

2. "Be water my Friend" (Longstreet)

Bruce's friend screenwriter Sterling Silliphant was executive producer of the 1971 crime series Longstreet, about a blind insurance investigator played by James Franciscus. Silliphant got Bruce a recurring role on the show as Li Tsung, an antiques dealer and martial arts expert. Much of the dialogue in the scenes between Bruce and Franciscus incorporates the principles of Jeet Kune Do, a new, less formal, more eclectic and flexible approach to martial arts that Bruce had recently developed. The “Be water” quote from one of the Longstreet episodes was later recalled in this interview Bruce did with Canadian reporter Pierre Berton and is now considered central to Bruce's ideaology and philosophical legacy.




1. Final fight against Han (Enter the Dragon)

The slashes across the face and chest, tasting his own blood, and of course all those cool mirrored reflections... It's Bruce's signature scene and still one of the best in any martial arts movie.



Related Links
Bruce Lee on IMDB

But We're Still Way Younger Than Mr. Furley, Right?

Here's a super-depressing thought for all of us who used to watch and enjoy Three's Company...
We are now much closer to Mr. Roper's age then Jack Tripper's.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Wel-come Baaaack

So in honor of the return of Pop Culture Fiend, here's the theme song from Welcome Back Kotter...



Now one interesting thing about this show, is that it was based in part on creator and star Gabe Kaplan's stand-up comedy routine where he recounts his high school years growing up in Brooklyn. The routine is featured on the EXTREMELY hard to find comedy album Holes and Mellow Rolls, for which the cover art originally looked like this...

After Welcome Back Kotter became a hit, however, the album was re-released with cover art that tied into the show...

In any case, it's a brilliantly funny LP, and in addition to his tales of the real-life "Sweathogs", Kaplan delivers hilarious bits on feminine hygiene, The Exorcist, and masturbating astronauts. 

WBK ran on ABC for a total of four seasons, at which point it completely fell apart largely due to the departure of star John Travolta. But I was pleasantly surprised to see that when TV Land honored the series this past April, Travolta (though he's the only cast member that's still relevant in Hollywood today) happily joined his fellow cast mates, minus Ron Palillo (Arnold Horshack) to accept the award. 

Of course, no discussion of WBK would be complete without a mention of rap artist Mase's use of the WBK theme song in his 2004 "comeback" song, "Welcome Back". This is probably the most interesting sample in the history of hip-hop since Jay Z copped the banjo licks from Green Acres for the intro to The Blueprint. (Okay, that didn't really happen but wouldn't it be cool if it did?) 


And finally, can someone please tell me why a classic show like this is not available on DVD? I mean, you can buy the first season, but that's it. Come on ABC, get on the ball -- we want more stuff like this...

Commercials We Loved - Fruit of the Loom and Big Fig

Here's two from the 70's featuring grown men dressed as fruit.



There were several of these Fruit of the Loom spots. Looking at them now, they're not very politically correct. What's with the stereotyping? Why does the black guy have to be the grapes?... What, a black man can't be an apple?... Or a lime?... Or a damn tangerine?... "Right on" my ass -- your underwear is racist!

As for the fig newton commercial, I picture the guy thinking, "Four years at Yale Drama School and I'm dancing around in pantyhose, curly toed shoes and a dried fruit costume."

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Seating Arrangements for The Brady Bunch?

Something has been plaguing my mind lately... How the hell did the Brady Bunch fit nine friggin’ people into their station wagon for that cross-country trip they took to the Grand Canyon? 

Granted, I haven’t seen the episode in question in several years, but if memory serves, I believe it was Mike, Cindy and Carol in the front seat… but then it gets fuzzy. How did they get six more people in that damn car? A coworker just told me that back in the 70s, station wagons used to have TWO back seats, in addition to that cargo area in the back. But I found the above ad for a Brady Bunch-era station wagon that's remarkably similar to the one used in the show and it has no such "jump" seat. Even if it did, it still seems like it would be awfully crowded for nine people (plus their luggage and camping equipment) on the long journey from California to Arizona. Maybe they got out a lot to stretch their legs... They also probably got a nice break when they stopped in that ghost town to hang out with Jim Backus, but still…

Chuck Amok

Has anyone else noticed that the writers of the TV series Chuck (Josh Schwartz, Chris Fedak, Matt Miller, and others) have been having a little fun this season naming the show’s characters? 

Chuck scripts are always sprinkled with obvious references and homages to pop culture favorites, including Chuck and Morgan dressing up as the sand worm from Dune for Halloween, the Buy More gang getting their Call of Duty 5 and Madden 09 on just after the real-life release of those games last year, and guest star Nicole Richie appearing as Sarah’s high school rival who starred in a TV commercial where she “ate a really messy cheeseburger” (an obvious allusion to Richie’s real-life former co-hort, Paris Hilton, and her infamous Carl’s Jr. ad (below.)



But things on Chuck have gone a step further this season. It seems many of the guest characters have been named after famous pop culture icons. Case in point:

Melinda Clarke guest starred as Soviet agent "Sasha Banacek". "Banacek" is a Polish name and a possible reference to the 1970’s TV series of the same name about a Polish-American detective played by George Peppard. 

In the previously mentioned episode with Nicole Richie, her character’s name is "Heather Chandler" -- the same as Winona Ryder’s nemesis, played by Kim Walker (below right), in the 1989 black comedy, Heathers. 

In the same episode, Heather’s husband is a geek named "Mark Ratner" -- same as the geek who crushes on Jennifer Jason Leigh in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. 


Want more?... Jordana Brewster (The Fast and The Furious) just completed an arc as Chuck’s old girlfriend, "Jill Roberts", which is also the name of an upscale women’s boutique in Beverly Hills. 

Jill’s boss’ name is "Guy Lafleur" -- who was a Hall of Fame hockey player for the Montreal Canadiens in the 70s and 80s.

And a new regular joined the Chuck cast this season. Tony Hale plays the Buy More’s new efficiency expert "Emmett Milbarge", which is an obvious mash-up of Chevy Chase’s "Emmitt Fitz-Hume" and Dan Aykroyd’s "Austin Milbarge" characters from the 1985 comedy Spies Like Us. 

There’s more, but you get the idea. I guess it’s cool if the writers wanna have a little fun this way cause Chuck is one of the liveliest shows on TV, with fun plots, lovable, charismatic leads in Zachary Levi and Yvonne Strahovski, and a great ensemble of supporting actors.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Maureen McCormick ("Marcia" from The Brady Bunch) has a new autobiography in bookstores now. Here’s the Story (great title by the way) details McCormick’s battles with depression, an eating disorder, weight gain, and a lifetime trying to live up to the image of her perfect alter-ego. Among the startling revelations in her tell-all:

• She had sex in a pool with TV brother and co-star Barry Williams.

• Her mother and grandmother both suffered from syphilis, causing Maureen to have a decades-long fear that she too had the disease and that it would someday cause her insanity and eventual death.

• She was drug addict who was once so coked up, she blew an interview with Steven Spielberg and a role in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Damn... Who knew America's most clean-cut TV family had so many real-life skeletons in their closet? Mike Brady was gay; Greg wanted to date his mom (Florence Henderson); Marcia was a druggie… What’ll we learn next?... The family mutt "Tiger" was part of a dog-fighting ring?... Or that guy who played Sam the Butcher went Sweeney Todd and tried to grind Alice into mincemeat?

Well anyway, I was digging on Marcia a little bit during that last season of TBB so needed to check out her book.