UPDATE: This Relationship Makes No Sense

Just a quick update on a post from back in February...

Apparently Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima is now pregnant by her husband of three months, NBA (and I use this term loosely) "star" Marko Jaric. This news is distressing, not just because this is possibly the most ridiculous pairing since some numb-knut decided to put broccoli on pizza, but also because it kind of ruins things. Allow me to explain as I address Adriana personally:

Adriana, please understand that supermodels like you have an obligation to stay single for as long as possible, so that regular schlubs can somehow feel like you're available. Yes, we all know there's absolutely no chance in hell the aforementioned schlubs will ever come within a thousand yards of you, much less meet or have a shot with you... but to quote Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science, "Why are you messing with the fantasy?" 

Also Adriana, beautiful women like you, who get pregnant and then have babies, are like pristine new sports cars that get into a massive crash. Sure you can have it repaired and it may even run just the same, but in the back of your mind, you always know... 

So Adriana, Heidi, and all of the rest of you, please, knock it off with the marriages and pregnancies! 

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This Relationship Makes No Sense

This Relationship Makes No Sense

"This relationship makes no sense... just like Marco Jaric being in the NBA."

This stinging but oh so accurate comment by an anonymous Yahoo Sports blog reader pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about the just released news that Brazilian Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima secretly married NBA "star" Marco Jaric of the Memphis Grizzlies in Wyoming over Valentine's Day weekend.

Okay, there's so much wrong with this, I don't know where to begin.

First, how in the hell are these two a match? She's from beautiful, tropical Brazil. He's from everyone's favorite vacation destination, war-torn Serbia.

She's one of the most successful and highest paid models in the world. He's currently averaging a whopping 1.8 ppg playing for a team that's 26 games under .500 and last in their division.

Oh, and she's one of the most attractive women in the world, and he's not even one of the most attractive Memphis Grizzlies. 

You get the idea. 

And to make matters worse, Adriana claimed to be a virgin, telling GQ magazine that, "Sex is just for after marriage."

Great... While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it.

So yeah, we're jealous. But we still say this perverse relationship is an affront against all of humanity and ultimately doomed. He's in Memphis, or on the road playing games seven months a year, and she's jetting all over the world doing photoshoots, runway work, or guesting on Ugly Betty or How I Met Your Mother.

We're thinking sooner or later Adriana's amnesia's gonna wear off, or she'll catch a glimpse of herself and Marco in a mirror, or perhaps the universe will self-correct itself in some other way.

Until that time, Adriana and Marco's marriage officially goes to number one on our list of most inexplicable celebrity pairings ever, just ahead of Heidi Klum/Seal and Julia Roberts/Lyle Lovett.

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UPDATE: This Relationship Makes No Sense

Related Links:

Adriana Lima interview with GQ

Marko Jaric Marries Adriana Lima