January 19, 2023

Commercial We Loved: Carl's Jr. Flat Buns

Carl's Jr. was once known for its provocative TV ads featuring scantily clad Paris Hilton, Nina Agdal, Kate Upton and other female models and celebs. It's hard to imagine in today's "Me Too" culture that commercials like these were ever even approved to produce -- much less air and become the identity of the brand. But in bygone days we were treated to not only those aforementioned spots but also the 2007 entry below -- an homage to this sequence from Van Halen's 1984 "Hot for Teacher" music video. In contrast to big butt loving Sir Mix-a-Lot, two high schoolers deliver a clever "whiteboy rap" about their affinity for smaller, "flat buns" -- offered by both the restaurant and their teacher. 

The titillating teacher in this commercial is purported to be actress Natassia Malthe, famous for her lead role in the BloodRayne sequels but the resemblance is questionable and there doesn't seem to be any definitive proof of this online. Whatever your opinion about this commercial, with lines like, "Got no heinie, I call you 'your highness', in anatomy class, you got a butt minus", you can't help but laugh.


Related Posts:
Commercials We Loved - "You Will"
Commercials We Loved - "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker"
Commercials We Loved - "Laptop Hunters"
Commercials We Loved - "Be Like Mike"
Commercials We Loved - Super Mario Land 2
Commercials We Loved - Cindy Crawford & Little Richard for Charlie

August 15, 2022

Return of the Streaming Wars!


Here is the 4th entry in my ongoing series of audio blogs tracking the streaming industry. I cover all the important news, financials, business deals (and content) for all the major players -- Netflix, Amazon Prime, HBO Max, Paramount + and more! In this episode I discuss:

  • Whether theater moviegoing is back and how this might affect the streaming industry

  • The controversial redefining of what exactly constitutes a "stream"

  • How Nielsen is failing in its efforts to accurately track and report viewership

  • Why Apple TV+ badly needs more content

  • Netflix's crackdown on account sharing

  • Disney+'s $887 million operating loss in Q1

Return of the Streaming Wars (Episode 4)



August 9, 2022

Farewell Olivia

This one is a gut punch. 

I'll start with this: Olivia Newton-John was... IS... one of the best of all time. The sweet-voiced Australian crooner with the majestic name who became a global pop superstar. 

In 1978 (when I was an extremely young Pop Culture Fiend) my mom and I visited my aunt in Philadelphia for two weeks during the summer. I had just seen the movie Grease a week or so earlier and the film had a huge impact on me. Not only was it one of the most entertaining films I'd seen in my then young life, but the music was great and (like so many other pre-pubescent boys my age) I was crushing hard on Olivia Newton-John.

My aunt was fairly well-to-do and had a lot of nice things, including a fancy turntable and eclectic record collection. Her latest addition to that collection was the Grease soundtrack -- which I proceeded to play non-stop for the entirety of my two week stay. When it was finally time to go home, my aunt said to me, "You like that record so much; you can have it." 

That was the first album I ever owned.


Olivia Newton-John was one who broke a lot of trends, beginning her recording career with an entire album of covers, before ultimately evolving her own brand of country-pop, and scoring multiple hits on both of those charts (as well as the easy listening/adult contemporary.) She also set a lot of trends -- being one of the first major artists to release music videos. Her 1982 Physical video album and TV special would set a bar for the medium for years to come -- and the short haircut (with optional head band) she debuted for that album was emulated by women across the nation and became one of the most popular looks of the decade. That Physical video collection would go on to win a Grammy award and "Physical" the single was a chart topper for 10 weeks (a record that stood for ten years) making it the biggest hit of the 1980's. Olivia's aerobics themed video for the song was one that helped launch MTV (which debuted just weeks before "Physical's" release) and that same video was also clearly an inspiration for the current Apple+ series Physical, whose creators even "borrowed" the album's art design and font style.

And of course years before all of this, Olivia had become America's sweetheart when she made her Hollywood movie debut in a role customized just for her -- Australian exchange student, Sandy Olsson in the aforementioned Grease. The film broke box office records, becoming the highest grossing musical of all-time and establishing Olivia as a bona fide movie star. "You're the One That I Want", from the film's soundtrack, reached #1 and "Hopelessly Devoted to You" peaked at #3.

That same year, at the age of only 30, Olivia released her tenth studio album, Totally Hot. It reached #7 on the charts and the lead single "A Little More Love" spent three weeks at #2. Grease was the #1 film of the year, its soundtrack was the #2 album of the year, and Totally Hot went platinum. This was Olivia at the peak of her powers... she was the biggest female star in the world. Wholesome, alluring, a genre-crossing hit-maker in both music and film; she also had a squeaky clean image -- so everyone in entertainment jockeyed to work with her and advertisers in every industry wanted her endorsing their products.

This kind of success seemed almost inevitable for the talented and prolific artist. She had gained attention in Australia and Europe with her first two albums before breaking through internationally with her third LP, Let Me There, which went to #1 on the U.S. Country chart and earned Olivia a Grammy nomination for Best Country Female. The following year (1974) she continued to skyrocket. She represented the UK at 1974's Eurovision Song Contest (won by ABBA, who would later appear on one of Olivia's TV specials.) Later that year, she released If You Love Me Let Me Know, which topped both the country and pop charts. She then repeated this feat with her next effort, 1975's Have You Never Been Mellow. In doing so, she helped blaze a trail for crossover success that would later be traveled by other female singers like Crystal Gayle, Faith Hill, Shania Twain and Taylor Swift. 

Meanwhile, "I Honestly Love You" (off If You Love Me Let Me Know) soared to #1 in the U.S. (and several other countries) before winning Record of the Year at the 1975 Grammys. More cross-chart success and #1's (a lot more) followed, including:
  • "Please Mr. Please" (from Have You Never Been Mellow) - #5 Country, #3 Pop, #1 Easy Listening/Adult Contemporary
  • "Come On Over" (from the 1976 album of the same name) - #1 EL/AC
  • "Don't Stop Believin'" (the title track from her 1976 album) - #1 EL/AC
All tolled, Olivia had 40 entries in Billboard's Hot 100. She racked up six consecutive gold albums from 1973's Let Me Be There through Don't Stop Believin' before releasing a greatest hits album and then taking on Grease, That film's success led to more movies roles, including the beloved cult classic, Xanadu, which spawned a title track that went top ten, as well as the #1 hit, "Magic" (about as perfect a pop song as was ever recorded.) Over her career, this perfection wasn't only modeled in Olivia's signature songs, but in her covers and deep cuts as well -- particularly the ethereal "Falling", "Carried Away" and "Silvery Rain" off of Physical.
    
Finally, as we reached the mid-80's and entered the 90's, Olivia's superstar status began to give way. There were still concerts, occasional film and TV roles (including Two of a Kind, which reunited her with former co-star and friend John Travolta), Grease reunions, and albums that blipped on the charts... and there was a lot of time spent battling the cancer she was first diagnosed with in 1992. 

By the 90's, amidst the rise of hip-hop/urban music, it was no longer cool to like Olivia Newton-John. She was considered too square, too white bread... a relic from the 70's.

I didn't care. Whenever the subjects came up in conversation, I continue to proudly re-state facts:

First album I ever owned: Grease soundtrack
First single I ever owned: "Hopelessly Devoted to You"
First album I ever bought with my own money: Physical

I still have all three of these (the first two on vinyl, the latter on cassette) plus ONJ's Greatest Hits Vol. 2 and Soul Kiss, both of which I bought when they were still on the charts. Years later I would add more from her catalog, including the anthology, Olivia Newton-John: Gold... 

And in memory of this talented, beautiful lady; this icon and seminal artist, I think I'm gonna charge up my AirPods, dig into my collection, and play every single one of her songs. 

R.I.P. ONJ.

August 7, 2022

What was the Best Movie Party of the 80's?

Here are your nominees:

Back to School

The setup:

Wealthy businessman Thornton Mellon (Rodney Dangerfield) -- in an effort to inspire and keep his son from dropping out -- enrolls and joins him at college. Father, son (and the son's best friend) have adjacent dorm rooms, until Thornton has the walls knocked out to create a luxury suite and then throws a post mid-terms bash to blow off some steam.

The highlights:

  • Seminal 80's band Oingo Boingo plays the gig and rocks out on "Dead Man's Party."
  • Police sent to break things up bring cases of beer instead.
  • Thornton frolics in the hot tub with four bikini-clad coeds.

Bachelor Party

The setup:

The title says it all. Tom Hanks is groom-to-be Rick, and his brother and five degenerate best friends throw him a bachelor party "with chicks, and guns, and fire trucks, and hookers, and drugs, and booze..."

The highlights:

  •  Rick's rival Cole offers him a Porsche to call off the wedding.
  • "Drugs to the right, hookers to the left!"
  • An Indian pimp, suicide attempts, an exotic dancer, and a donkey that OD's.

Sixteen Candles

High school hunk Jake Ryan has everyone over to his house for a rager.

  • Long Duk Dong finds his Amazonian soulmate.
  • Jake's girlfriend Carolyn gets her hair hacked.
  • Barbells crash through the floor and destroy the wine cellar
  • The aftermath: Pizzas on the turntable, suds coming out of the air vents, and Ted the geek (Anthony Michael Hall) leaves with Carolyn in a Rolls Royce.

Weird Science

The setup:

Teenagers Gary and Wyatt (Anthony Michael Hall and Ilan Mitchell-Smith) go mad scientist and create their dream woman -- who goes on to throw a "nasty little soiree" at Wyatt's house.

The highlights:

Risky Business

The setup:

"Future enterpriser" Joel Goodson (Tom Cruise) just wants to graduate and go on to major in business at Princeton. But when he gets mixed up with sexy call girl Lana (Rebecca DeMornay), Joel's house party becomes a high-priced brothel and his high school friends the customers.

The highlights:

  • Party tunes that include Talking Heads' "Swamp" and Prince's "D.M.S.R." 
  • Amidst the debauchery, Princeton admissions officer Bill Rutherford arrives to interview Joel.
  • Joel and Lana duck out to make love on a real train.
  • Rutherford makes a couple of new friends.

Revenge of the Nerds

The setup:

College dorks trying to form a fraternity throw a dud of a party -- until "wonder joints" and the girls of Omega Mu kick things into high gear.

The highlights:

August 2, 2022

Logic's List of Things He REALLY Wants You to Know About Himself


Disclaimer:
I actually like Logic. I admire his creativity, his passion for his art, his sincerity, and how prolific he is. We also have a shared admiration for Nas, Kill Bill, and a certain blue-eyed crooner from Hoboken. Still, the following has to be said.

I picked up on Logic with 2017's Everybody, then went back and listened to a lot of older stuff (Under Pressure, The Incredible True Story...) I then followed him through YSIV and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, until finally, with the 2021 release of Bobby Tarantino III, I was able to articulate Logic's place on the hip-hop landscape with this statement:

"Logic is the official poster boy for mediocre rappers."

Yeah, occasionally he'll wow you with a "1-800" or a "100 Miles and Running", but generally Logic is that dude who is technically proficient as a rapper but who doesn't quite have enough personality and uniqueness to his flow. Whose rhymes are serviceable, but not memorable. Whose beats are almost interesting... until you listen closer and realize they're actually monotonous. His latest LP, Vinyl Days, is another reminder of all this. It's also a reminder -- or should I say a summation -- of all the things Logic has spent seven albums, five mix tapes, and pretty much his entire career reminding you of. It also speaks to a couple of new developments in his life we seem similarly destined to hear about for the next decade.

He's bi-racial

You're alerted to this fact quite often whenever you listen to his lyrics. Oh yes, you'll learn fast that he was "a biracial baby... born to a black father and a white mother." You'll understand in no time that he's a "BLACKWHITEBOY" from a "half breed family" because, as he explains it, "I'm black again.. fighting for credibility from the lack of blacker skin"... It gets quite tiresome at times.

And hearing him going over this same ground again and again is even more tedious than Eminem complaining about his ex.

He's from a really rough neighborhood.

Yeah, so are Ice-T, Nipsey Hustle, Naughty By Nature, Gucci Mane, Future, 21 Savage, Lil’ Durk, NWA, Biggie, Eminem, Young Thug, and T.I., just to name a dozen. Spitting rhymes about the crime-ridden area he grew up in is yet another way Logic fails to set himself apart from other rappers.

He "grinded" and "worked for SO LONG" until he finally made it...

... even though he started in high school, signed with an independent label at twenty, and got a Def Jam contract at twenty-three.

He retired (but now he's back.)

Check the chronology:
No Pressure - Released July 2020
Bobby Tarantino III - Released July 2021
Vinyl Days - Recorded 2021–2022. Released June 2022

So two albums and a mixtape in less than two years... When exactly during that brief time frame did he manage to squeeze in a retirement? 

He made a lot of money in crypto.

In the fall of 2020 Logic posted on Instagram that he invested $6 million in cryptocurrency. On Vinyl Days, he brags:

Stupid motherf**ker, oh, yeah, you got a deal
But you spent your whole advance on a chain
I invested mine in crypto, and now I'm sailin' out to Spain

And also:

Now I think I'm a good father figure 'cause I was sonnin' rappers before I was a father, go figure
My cryptocurrency is in the seven figures.

Last month it was widely reported that the overall market capitalization of crypto assets had plummeted from about $3 trillion in November 2021 to now less than $1 trillion.

Hmm... Maybe this is why he needed to come out of retirement?

He's leaving Def Jam.

Mostly on good terms it seems but to hear Logic tell it, the label still owes him a lot of money -- although you wonder why this would bother him since he made so much in crypto.

He's the best rapper alive.

If you don't want to believe Logic himself the numerous times he's staked claim to this title, then perhaps you'll trust Morgan Freeman, who on the intro of Vinyl Days, informs "every other rapper in the game that Logic is the GOAT." 

Boasting of this type has been part of hip-hop literally since Day 1 -- but with Logic you somehow get the sense that he actually believes this absurd declaration could be true. 

It's not of course. He's not the greatest rapper of all time. Not the greatest of his era. Maybe not even the greatest from the state of Maryland, depending on how you feel about Wale. 

Perhaps moving forward he'll be able to produce superior material that better demonstrates the abundance of talent and creativity he's been blessed with -- but no, right now Logic is simply a solid, often redundant, and mostly mediocre rapper.