Apparently Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima is now pregnant by her husband of three months, NBA (and I use this term loosely) "star" Marko Jaric. This news is distressing, not just because this is possibly the most ridiculous pairing since some numb-knut decided to put broccoli on pizza, but also because it kind of ruins things. Allow me to explain as I address Adriana personally:
Adriana, please understand that supermodels like you have an obligation to stay single for as long as possible, so that regular schlubs can somehow feel like you're available. Yes, we all know there's absolutely no chance in hell the aforementioned schlubs will ever come within a thousand yards of you, much less meet or have a shot with you... but to quote Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science, "Why are you messing with the fantasy?"
Also Adriana, beautiful women like you, who get pregnant and then have babies, are like pristine new sports cars that get into a massive crash. Sure you can have it repaired and it may even run just the same, but in the back of your mind, you always know...
So Adriana, Heidi, and all of the rest of you, please, knock it off with the marriages and pregnancies!
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