5 Films Hollywood Needs to Get to Work On

Back in 1990, my friend Steve and I were riding down the New Jersey Turnpike in a rented truck, delivering furniture to his parents' new home in Pennsylvania. The experience was memorable for two reasons. First, an 18-wheeler traveling right next to us blew a tire and scared the crap out of us. And second, we spent a good portion of the two hour drive reminiscing about one of our favorite childhood animated series, Speed Racer. Steve and I then proceeded to discuss how the show was a cult favorite, how the protagonist and premise (a young race car driver with a unique, high tech automobile) were ideal for the big screen, and the chances of us ever seeing a live-action Speed Racer movie. We then shared ideas about casting, including Johnny Depp as Speed (remember, this was 1990), Depp's former real-life girlfriend Winona Ryder as Trixie, Alec Baldwin as Racer X,  Fred Savage (The Wonder Years) as Spritle, Wilford Brimley as Pops and Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee "Bubbles" as Chim-Chim.

Keep in mind, this was more than a decade before an ACTUAL Speed Racer movie would even take its first steps into production. Which is why, as ridiculous as we know it is, Steve and I still consider the Speed Racer movie OUR baby. So when the the Wachowskis gave us that hot mess of a picture back in May of 2008, we were both sorely disappointed and extremely bitter. A movie that we had wished and waited so long for, had been ruined. 

So there's nothing left for me to do now but move on and as I do, consider the other fantastic properties we need to see made. It's baffling to me how the Hollywood studios can't seem to get out of their own way and ink the deals needed to get these films into production. If they ever do, each of the following is a potential blockbuster that could earn huge dollars at the box office.

The Six Million Dollar Man

  

The premise of the 1970's series starring Lee Majors sees a test pilot/astronaut critically injured in a crash, fitted with bionic implants and turned into a government operative. I'm thinking Ryan Gosling -- who coincidentally recently starred in the movie adaptation of another Lee Majors series (The Fall Guy) -- for the role of Colonel Steve Austin.

Status Update: Several years ago, there were rumors of a Six Billion Dollar Man (Inflation's a bitch -- ain't it?!) being developed by the Weinstein Company, directed by Bryan (X-Men) Singer and starring Leonardo DiCaprio. More recently, there have been ongoing efforts to create a movie version with Mark Wahlberg attached to star. That project has been in development for almost a dozen years. Despite various delays and changes in filmmakers, Wahlberg remains committed to the project, stating that he's "still grinding every day to get it made."

The Warriors remake

The 1979 original was a low-cost surprising moneymaker for Paramount. Though the idea of New York City gangs dressed as mimes, wearing Yankee uniforms and Kiss-like makeup, and sporting silk purple vests and fedoras is light years beyond hokey, subsequent to its initial theatrical release, the film garnered huge cult status via cable and home video. In 2005, we even got a Warriors video game. As we near its 50th anniversary, a proper, more modern big-budget remake would be spectacular in the hands of a master of gritty violence like Breaking Bad writer/producer/director Vince Gilligan.

Status Update: Plans for a remake go at least as far back as 2005, when the Scott brothers (Ridley and Tony) were reportedly set to produce and direct. In 2016, the Russo brothers (The Avengers) were reportedly developing a TV adaption for Hulu but that project seems to no longer be on the radar.

The Donner Party

The Donner Party was a group of American pioneers in the 1840's who set out to California from Missouri. Through an incredible series of circumstances and misfortunes, the group was trapped by snow and forced to winter in Sierra Nevada, where members of the party succumbed to starvation, exposure, disease, and trauma before resorting to cannibalism. It's an absolutely riveting story and although the disaster movie genre that gave us classics like The Poseidon Adventure, Towering Inferno and Airport, has largely died out, here's a perfect opportunity to bring it back. I'm thinking an all-star cast featuring Kit Harrington, Emma Stone, Tom Holland and Tobey Maguire in key roles.

Status Update: In 1978, there was a TV movie titled Donner Pass that recounted the story and in 2009, Crispin Glover starred in The Donner Party, a straight-to-DVD thriller in the vein of Alive, that takes certain liberties in retelling the actual events. Then in 2011, a feature film also titled Donner Pass was released. Billed as "a twisted take on the legend of the Donner Party", it was a historically inaccurate and pedestrian slasher pic about teens stranded in one of the Donner Party's old cabins who (rather predictably) get mysteriously killed and eaten one by one. There have also been multiple documentaries and made for TV movies about the Donner Party, such as Dead of Winter: The Donner Party (2015). 

The last real attempt to tell this story onscreen seems to be an adaptation of the novel The Hunger which purportedly incorporated the story of the Donner Party with a "Walking Dead-style twist." That project was being developed by 20th Century Fox, with Luke Scott (son of Ridley) set to write and direct -- but that was nine years ago and since then, nothing.

Logan's Run 

The 1976 thriller Logan's Run is set in a future dystopian society where people live a care-free, hedonistic lifestyle... until they're ceremoniously death-rayed at the age of thirty in order to control the population. As science fiction, the film has a cheesy, 1950's-type perspective of life in the future. But at the same time, it offers sobering Orwellian perspectives on totalitarian rule, how much humans should entrust to technology, and the dangers that come with blindly accepting the status quo.

Status Update: A proposed Logan's Run remake has bounced around Hollywood for years with various above the line talent attached, including screenwriter Will Beall (Justice League) and directors Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Caribbean) and Joseph Kosinski (Top Gun: Maverick). Ryan Gosling was once rumored to star but he's far past 30 now. I'm thinking Timothy Chalamet, with directorial duties handled by Christopher Nolan, if you want to go big screen, but I can also picture Logan's Run as a multi-year Max or Netflix series that takes its time revealing the backstory of how exactly our culture and society went so far off the rails.

The Go-Go's 

The fact that a Runaways biopic was produced and released and we're still waiting for a Go-Go's movie is bizarre. Yes, when it comes to girl bands, the Runaways were trailblazing female rockers but the Go-Go's sold more records, were the first to have a number one album, had more hit singles, are members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, are still performing together forty-seven years after they formed, and quite simply, are more iconic.

I had the idea for a Go-Go's film no later than 2001, and even started work on an extended treatment. For casting, I suggested the following (at the time) young, up and coming actresses: Christina Ricci as Jane Weidlin, Eliza Dusku as Kathy Valentine, Leelee Sobieski as Charlotte Caffey, Tara Reid as Gina Schock, and Charlize Theron or Kate Hudson as Belinda Carlisle.

Status Update: Over the years, the band has kicked around the idea of commissioning a script, but it's never happened largely because members of the band are hesitant about relinquishing rights, giving up creative control and airing their dirty laundry. Additionally, on multiple occasions, disagreements over compensation and royalties owed have created issues within the group. None of this seems to matter anymore though, as the poor performance of The Runaways all but killed any chance of a Go-Go's film ever seeing the light of day. Still, it's fun to imagine Lily-Rose Depp as Carlisle and Jenna Ortega as co-founding member Weidlin.

Belinda Carlisle and Lily-Rose Depp

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Go-Go's Rock the Sunset Strip

Belinda Carlisle on Arsenio Hall

More Belinda

Great Album Covers: The Score, Head Games & Vacation

Go-Go's Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (About F**king Time!)

Happy New Year (from Belinda Carlisle!)

A Deep Dive into Barry Allen's Speed: Exactly How Fast is The Flash?

With the recent release of the new movie The Flash, I've found myself pondering the iconic character, his bio, as well as his powers and abilities -- in particular, how fast he's portrayed to be. When it comes to comic book heroes and their superpowers, this sort of speculation is common and makes for great geek debate. But it's worth noting that the Flash character has undergone a good deal of retconning over the years. In addition, the recently concluded WB “Arrowverse” TV series The Flash has greatly added to and confused Flash's mythology, sometimes even venturing into storytelling that deviates from canon. So for this article, I chose to go back and look at the DC Comics Flash and bring to light references to the speed of this earlier version of the character. To help with this I dug into the Pop Culture Fiend Archives and my stash of DC comics from my youth. 

To begin, it's important to remember that 1956-1970 was the "Silver Age of Comics" and 1970-1985 (a timeframe that encompasses my aforementioned collection) the so-called “Bronze Age". The Flash from these two eras is none other than Barry Allen, a Central City police scientist who gained his super speed via an accident in which he's accidentally doused with a mix of chemicals after a lightning strike in his lab (more on this later.) This iteration of the Flash is widely considered to be the definitive version of the character – moreso than Jay Garrick, the original Flash created by Gardner Fox in the 1940's, and also more than Wally West, who began as Kid Flash before later succeeding Barry. The Barry Allen version is also the Flash appearing and/or referenced in the new Flash movie, the aforementioned Arrowverse series, 2017's Justice League and other “Snyderverse” DC pics, as well as several recent video games based on the DC Universe like Justice League Heroes and the Injustice series. So there's no question that when looking to determine how fast "The Flash" is, it's best to begin with Barry Allen, as this is the version who appears the most across all of pop culture.

So with Barry as the focus, when you examine his history and look for references in the comics about his speed, you discover a lot of inconsistency. Early Silver Age issues make a big deal about Barry running on water (something by the way, that would be scientifically possible for a human running even as "slow" as 50 mph) as well as overcoming gravity by running up the sides of  buildings. On the higher end of the scale, we see Silver Age Flash breaking the sound barrier. Comic book writers magnifying each of these specific exploits made a lot of sense at the time. In the 50's and 60's, rocket technology, jet engines, Chuck Yeager going Mach 1, etc., represented the outer reaches of what humans could achieve -- so an “ordinary man" gaining powers to match these types of things was superhuman enough for the comics. (It's very similar to the way Superman, around the same time, was heralded for being "more powerful than a locomotive.") But as we moved into the 1970's and travel faster than sound became so routine that even commercial airlines offered it, the limits of Flash's speed predictably creeped up and his exploits (as we'll see) became more fantastical. 

As Barry carried on through the Silver and Bronze Ages, his extraordinary speed resulted in cool new powers, like the ability to generate mini tornadoes and even time travel. (In the comics, this sometimes -- but not always -- occurs through a combination of Flash's otherworldly speed and a device known as the "cosmic treadmill", which was first introduced in 1961's The Flash #125.) Now follow me here: the speed of light has been calculated since at least the 17th century and in 1905 Albert Einstein theorized time dilation -- the idea that time passes more slowly for objects moving at high speeds and that this effect becomes more pronounced as the object approaches the speed of light. Further theorizing maintains that if a person could actually reach the speed of light, time would in fact stop relative to that individual. So if Silver Age Flash writers like Fox and John Broome knew all this, than by having Barry run so fast that he travels back in time, were they implying that Barry could move faster than the speed of light?...  It's entirely feasible, likely even, that the creative talents at DC were keenly aware of Einstein and his theories. He was, in fact, quite well known and heralded at the time of his death, which was only a year before the Barry Allen character was created. Is it crazy to think that the creators of a fictional character possessing super speed would use Einstein's thoughts on light speed as background and inspirational material for stories about the "fastest man alive?" It's worth noting that the concept of time dilation (i.e., time slowing down and potentially stopping as you approach the speed of light) has been incorporated into Flash comics and TV portrayals over the years, so it seems that at least some Flash writers familiarized themselves with the scientific implications of superspeed and used them to make the Flash and his flirtations with light speed more credible and "realistic." Silver Age Flash comics were also the first to recount incidents of Barry vibrating his molecules so quickly he's able to pass through walls and solid objects. Mastery of his body down to this molecular level is what enables what is arguably Barry’s most notable superpower --- traveling to other universes. This occurs in numerous Flash tales beginning with #123 Flash of Two Worlds. 

Flash's speed has even been defined via comparisons to Superman and in the pages of various DC titles the two have actually raced several times. Many of these head-to-heads were interrupted by emergencies of some sort but the record shows that Barry has bested Kal-El in the vast majority of their matchups. I bring this up because as I painstakingly poured through the history of Barry Allen’s Flash for references to precisely how fast he can run, I happened across a discussion of Superman vs. Flash that actually quantified the latter’s speed quite conclusively. Specifically, within my Justice League of America issues, I recalled an item in the "JLA Mailbag" (a monthly Q&A with DC's editorial staff that appeared at the back of many issues during the late 70's) where a reader asks how fast the Flash can run around the earth. The rather definitive answer given is that while fellow JLA member Superman can fly around the entire earth in about one second, the Flash can run around the earth in 1/10 (.10) of a second. With the circumference of the earth being approximately 25,000 miles, this means the Flash can travel 250,000 miles per second – about 33% FASTER than the speed of light. Extrapolating further, we get a measurement of Flash's speed of 15,000,000 miles per minute and a whopping 90,000,000 miles per hour! This 90,000,000 mph figure represents the highest quantification of Barry's speed during the Silver or Bronze Ages. It is not, however, faster than Modern Age Barry Allen. I'll explain...

For DC, the Bronze Age ended with 1985's Crisis on Infinite Earths in which DC's "multiverse" was eliminated in favor of a single Earth and the entire DC universe was neatly consolidated. The fallout from this was particularly impactful for the Flash because in Crisis on Infinite Earths #8 Barry Allen dies as a result of running so fast and with such intensity that he literally disintegrates. At the same time, to maintain consistency, The Flash comic was canceled. When it was brought back shorty after, Wally West became the new Flash until Barry's return in 2009's Flash: Rebirth. When Barry returns, he is notably faster than he was during his original run through DC's Silver and Bronze Age comics. This is significant because the explanation provided in Rebirth for Barry's absence for more than 20 years is that he wasn't actually dead but rather that he became one with (and/or was trapped in) the Speed Force. 

So now we have to take another step back...

The Speed Force is an energized plane of existence from which DC's "speedsters" draw power. Modern issues of The Flash, the WB series, the new movie, and every other modern take on the Flash include the Speed Force as part of the character's lore. It was introduced, in part, to address and/or resolve questions regarding the anatomical damage a human body would most certainly suffer by running at such incomprehensible speeds. The Speed Force puts a powerful aura around whoever is tapping into it, thereby protecting them from speed-related friction, G-forces, etc. In other words, the Speed Force explains why Flash's costume (and skin) don't tear off... how he's able to see and hear while he runs... and why he doesn't constantly cause sonic booms. 

But the Speed Force is much more than just a protective barrier. It’s also a cosmic realm speedsters can use to travel anywhere in space and time. Those deft or experienced with the Speed Force can enter it and exit anywhere they like. Those not so skilled can get trapped and lost in the Speed Force indefinitely.

But here's the thing... The Speed Force was never a part of the Flash's original lore... Not even close. The first reference to it occurs in 1994 in The Flash #91 written by Mark Waid. He and other Flash writers, including Grant Morrison and Geoff Johns, through their stories, established the Speed Force as an integral part of the Flash's mythology moving forward and also retroactively applied it to Barry Allen's history, along with Jay Garrick's, and well, all other speedsters (good and evil) who ever existed in the DC universe. 

This means that Barry's speed and all of his speed-related past deeds, including time travel, are now explained as being made possible by the existence of the Speed Force. Johns, in Flash: Rebirth even took things a step further by explaining that Barry actually created the Speed Force himself when the lightning bolt struck him in his lab. Once that happened, the Speed Force began expanding in time and space to empower all speedsters before and after Barry. (This origin, however, has been contradicted multiple times and it's now generally accepted that the Speed Force has always existed.) Still, as confusing as its origin may be, the main thing to know about the Speed Force is that it essentially removed all limits to how fast the Flash can travel, up to and including light speed and even beyond.

Modern Age DC comics back this up.  JLA Vol 1. #89 begins with Wally West outrunning a nuclear explosion to save a city of 532,000 people by carrying each inhabitant (1-2 at a time the comic tells us) 35 miles away to safety until every single person is evacuated. Wally does this in .00001 microseconds. I was told there'd be no math but I'm told this equates to a speed of roughly 13 trillion times the speed of light. (But again, that was Wally West and this article is about how fast the definitive Flash, Barry Allen, is.)

Upon Barry's "rebirth" he too demonstrates enhanced speed and performs feats infinitely more impressive than he ever had previously, including running in the sky. It seems the "new" Barry is more dialed into and able to draw more power from the Speed Force than most other speedsters apart from Wally West. This results in a vast increase in Barry's top speed during the Modern Age. And it's precisely because the existence of the Speed Force has been retconned into Barry's history, there are presumably no limits to how fast he potentially could have been during the Silver and Bronze Ages either. Looking at it this way neatly reconciles and gives more credibility to the 90,000,000 mph attestation by the DC editorial staff I identified earlier.

In the end, we know this is the world of comics, which is rife with inconsistencies, contradictions and countermanding in matters relating to both character bios and storylines. Arguably, it's Wally who has proved most adept at marshalling the Speed Force and usurping its power to reach new limits but Barry too has used the Speed Force to reach incomprehensible speeds. Depending on how much he's able to tap into it, he has unlimited speed -- faster than light, faster than thought, faster than death, faster than time... He's even fast enough to live an all-encompassing, entirely instantaneous existence... 

So yeah, he's pretty freaking fast.

How to Make the Justice League of America Movie a Success

Barely a month after I predicted that the success of The Avengers would revive and kick plans into high gear for a Justice League of America movie, Warner Brothers announced Will Beall (of the upcoming Monster Squad and Logan's Run remake) as screenwriter of the JLA script.

Great news for fans of the DC universe, who have been wondering for years why the likes of great, beloved DC heroes (i.e., Wonder Woman, Flash, Aquaman, and Martian Manhunter), all of whom have rich histories to draw from,  have never really even come close to making it to the big screen. But while the JLA movie now seems to be on track and in pre-production (Beall was reportedly brought in some time in 2011) there are still three major hurdles that need to be cleared to ensure the Justice League of America movie is a success. In the order that they need to be addressed, those three things are 1) reconciling the franchises 2) introducing the characters, and 3) building anticipation.

One of the main reasons The Avengers has been so immensely successful is because Marvel stuck to the formula of a carefully planned production with a slow build. Beginning with the first Hulk movie (and well before The Avengers was ever seriously considered) the Marvel films effectively introduced the characters who would later join forces as the Avengers, established backstories, teased audiences, and got us all emotionally invested in the individual heroes and franchises (The Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America.) Onscreen, storylines in the individual films foreshadowed the coming together of these characters via the "Avengers Initiative", while behind the scenes in the real world, all the lead actors were being signed on. Thor's Christopher Hemsworth and Jeremy Renner, and Captain America's Chris Evans, were locked in to The Avengers early, as was Robert Downey Jr., whose Iron Man deal reportedly earns him up to 7 percent of the revenue in any film in which he plays that character. Additionally, the creative teams for each of the individual Marvel films were put in place early on. There was collaboration among these teams; storylines were carefully weaved together; resulting in The Avengers coming off as a logical next step that movie audiences knew years ahead of time was coming down the pipe.

The JLA movie, unfortunately, has none of this going for it. Despite the fact that the film has been gestating in Hollywood for nearly a decade -- George (Mad Max) Miller was set to direct at one point -- Warner Brothers' announcement this week comes off as nothing short of... well I'll just say it... reactionary.

If the JLA movie becomes the mega-picture it should be, it won't be because it followed The Avengers' blueprint. For one,  half of the core JLA lineup (Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Flash and Martian Manhunter) hasn't even been featured in their own individual movies, or otherwise introduced to contemporary audiences. It's troubling that instead of focusing on the JLA members (the most popular and interesting heroes in the DC universe) over the past 30 years, we've  inexplicably seen lesser (and in some cases, downright obscure) DC characters like Jonah Hex, Catwoman, Steel, Supergirl, and even Swamp Thing make it to the big screen.

Making matters worse is the fact that the JLA members that have been featured in movies (Superman, Green Lantern, and Batman) have done so in very self-contained franchises that have no connection to each other. Dark Knight trilogy director Christopher Nolan has gone on record stating that this summer's The Dark Knight Rises will be the last in the series and (in spite of the fact that Warner Brothers has extended an offer) he has no interest in directing a JLA feature. Pre-Avengers, there were plans for a Batman reboot (with Nolan reportedly producing) but things have likely changed now. Nolan has been clear in stating that he actually prefers to keep any and all of his Batman films independent of the rest of the DC universe, but at this point, any Batman reboot absolutely must support the JLA movie and the rest of the DC cinematic universe.

Warner Brothers also missed a golden opportunity with last summer's Green Lantern to tease both a JLA movie and the upcoming Man of Steel (Superman) feature. When studio execs should have been thinking long-term and doing what they could to at least hint at the formation or existence of the JLA, the GL movie was produced in a vacuum; no one was thinking big picture (no pun intended) and a chance to create audience anticipation was lost.

What this all means is that the JLA movie is pretty much starting from ground zero. So the only logical move at this point is for Warner Brothers to make the best of what it's got -- the Green Lantern franchise and Man of Steel -- and simply proceed from there. The extended game plan could proceed thusly:

With a creative team that includes producer Nolan, screenwriter David S. Goyer (Blade, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight) and director Zack Snyder (Watchmen), all signs point to Man of Steel being a can't miss hit. But there's still more than a year before the film is scheduled to hit theaters. Warner Brothers could use that time to shoot a short epilogue to be placed after the closing credits of Man of Steel (similar to the "recruitment" scenes we saw at the end of Captain America, The Incredible Hulk, and the other Marvel films.) A scene like this placed at the conclusion of Man of Steel could see Superman perhaps "checking in" at the JLA satellite, or alternatively, seeking out Green Lantern or one of the other heroes to discuss forming the JLA. Not only could this serve as the launching pad for the JLA film, but it would also make a lot of sense when you consider that Superman is certainly one of the cornerstones of the Justice League.

The next logical move would be to get a Green Lantern sequel into production. Admittedly, the original underperformed, but the pluses of a second GL film outweigh the negatives. For one, Green Lantern is best buds with Barry Allen, making the introduction and spin-off of the Flash character a possibility. As a bonus, should they prefer someone other than Ryan Reynolds to play the title character in the GL sequel (and the subsequent JLA movie) or if in fact they decided to go with a GL reboot instead of a sequel, Warner Brothers already has a means to smoothly accomplish this already built into DC Comics canon. Reynolds' Hal Jordan character could be replaced (as he was in the comics) by the Kyle Rayner Green Lantern, thus providing a seamless way to recast GL with a newer and/or more popular actor. This would then create the opportunity to bring Hal Jordan back (perhaps in the JLA movie) reincarnated as the Spectre. (And once again, this would all be 100% DC canon.)

But of course none of this solves the fundamental problem of getting the remaining JLA characters introduced. Not that some haven't tried. Goyer completed a script for the Flash years ago and fought hard to get it into into production. Now, however, any Flash movie seems more likely to come from Green Lantern writer Greg Berlanti. A Wonder Woman film, despite tons of rumors about Megan Fox starring in the title role, also seems a long ways off (even the updated TV series got shelved) and by all estimations is somewhere in the vague "in development" stage. Aquaman, meanwhile, is also still MIA on the big screen. A movie, reportedly attached to Leonardo DiCaprio's production company, has been rumored -- but for 2015 at the earliest.

The upshot, unfortunately, is that in the wake of the record-breaking box office receipts The Avengers has netted, Warner Brothers will likely forgo a logical, intelligent and anticipation-building film-by-film progression and instead dive headfirst into their JLA movie. Blowing their wad all at once like this seems not only risky, but short-sighted. Even if the JLA movie is a full-on blockbuster, where do you go from there? Could you start to spin off the individual characters into their own films one at a time?... I suppose, but how well would movie fans receive that?

Sadly, DC and Warner Brothers seem to be drooling at the billions The Avengers is raking in and in their mad chase after those kinds of dollars, they're rushing a JLA movie into production far too early.

Related Posts:
With the Success of The Avengers, Is a Justice League Movie Next?

Robin Scherbatsky Is Pregnant!... No Wait, Cancel That

After noticeably beginning to lose steam last year, How I Met You Mother has been really good this year. But then, in the middle of what is probably its strongest season in years -- a season featuring the "The Blitz", "The Ducky Tie", an old video of Marshall as "Beercules", and the return of the "Slutty Pumpkin" -- the HIMYM writers nearly sabotaged the whole thing with an apparent misstep that could have ultimately meant the end of the long running CBS series.

What I'm talking about is the character of Robin (Colbie Smulders) announcing that she's pregnant. When this happened two episodes ago I had terrible visions of what lay ahead. I figured they'd keep us on the hook for weeks as we wondered whether the father was Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) or Kevin (Kal Penn.) I figured they might even throw us a retcon curve and reveal that Robin hooked up with Ted (Josh Radnor) late one night, so the baby could also be his.

Robin would then go through turmoil as she decided when and how to tell the father; Lily would be supportive and thrilled because she had someone to be pregnant with; the guys would somehow bond over this new development and the whole show would start to look an awful lot like Thirtysomething.

Fortunately none of this happened. In this week's episode, Robin declared that she wasn't pregnant after all. In fact (and we know this because the entire premise of the show is that it's one big recollection) Robin will never become pregnant because she can't have kids.

It seems the whole pregnancy thing was just a red herring. I'm not sure why the HIMYM writers went this route but the most likely answer is that they threw the show's viewers this curveball strictly for the hell of it and because they're smart enough to know the perils of sitcoms that pursue pregnancy storylines.

If television history has taught us anything, it's that when it comes to sitcoms, pregnancy represents a "Hail Mary play" for a creative team that's running short on new ideas. What happened to Rachel on Friends and Jamie on Mad About You are good examples of how adding a pregnancy (and a resulting baby) to an established show doesn't work toward its betterment. It definitely wouldn't have worked for HIMYM.

For one, pregnancy and parenting, at their core, is for grown-ups. It's serious business only made comical onscreen when the parents of the kid are unprepared or have no idea how to deal with a child (and just how many times can we watch the old cliche'd gag of someone not knowing how to hold a baby or change a diaper?)

Making our beloved Robin Scherbatsky pregnant would have killed the light-heartedness of the show. Also, a good deal of HIMYM's comedy is derived from the fact that Robin, Ted, and Barney are all single; and that they hang out together in a bar and they each have their respective romantic entanglements that often turn comically disastrous. Robin being pregnant (with Barney and Ted as possible fathers) would have ruined all that. As a mom-to-be, Robin hanging out in a bar, hooking up with assorted guys would have gone from funny to "ewwww" pretty quick.

Plus, part of the reason Robin is so endearing is because she repeatedly demonstrates that she hasn't got it all figured out yet. We identify with that and we laugh at (and at the same time, root for) her as she stumbles through relationships and career moves. Many of us have had that time in our lives when we were just like Robin -- seemingly a grown up who's got it all together but deep down we're really just confused and trying to find our way.

Sure, a pregnant Robin would have created opportunities for a few funny plotlines in future episodes, but what the writers really would have done is fundamentally and permanently altered the entire mood of the show, while simultaneously painting themselves into a corner. Because, let's face it, with a baby in tow, Robin, Ted, Barney and the rest of the gang were going to be limited in what kind of wild shenanigans they could get into. And they certainly were going to have to change... most likely for the worst.

Trailer Friday for November 11th, 2011

Hi folks, it's Trailer Friday again. Check out the in-the-moment commentary on an all new crop of movies.

Immortals (November 11)

"I missed Clash of the Titans and was kind of disappointed by Troy but still enjoyed it. This looks way better than both."

"Not enough audience for this movie. It's probably gonna do poorly at the box office. Too bad -- I love my Greek mythology movies."

"I dunno, the last big picture the director [Tarsem Singh] did was that JLo movie The Cell, which was one of the worst pieces of crap I ever saw."

Snow White and the Huntsman (Summer 2012)

"This film has a lot to live up to. The writer got an unbelievable $3 million for what was essentially a spec script. That said, the trailer looks awesome! Of the two Snow White movies, this is definitely gonna be the one to see."

"Someone needs to return that magic mirror to Home Goods. There's no way that skinny, pasty, Kristen Stewart is "fairer" than Charlize Theron. Also, it's hard to buy Stewart as an ass-kicking action hero."

"Agreed. Seriously bad casting for that lead role. Stewart always looks so mopey and bored. Like she's thinking, 'Yeah, being a movie star sucks.'"

Project X (March 2)

"Can't Hardly Wait meets Risky Business with a smattering of The Blair Witch Project."

"First of all, they need a more original title. Project X is the name of an 80's movie about astronaut monkeys... No bullshit, Matthew Broderick was in it."

"Sex-starved teens have a wild party and wreck the house while their parents are away -- how original!"

"Here's a red flag for you -- Todd Phillips [Old School, The Hangover] is listed as producer but DIDN'T write or direct."

Justice (November 18)

"Why, oh why, do they keep giving Nicholas Cage starring roles?... Box office poison he is."

"I say the exact same thing about Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, and Anna Faris. But seriously, this could be good. Roger Donaldson [No Way Out, Thirteen Days, The Bank Job] has a lot of great thrillers on his resume.'"

"Seems very predictable. Did anyone NOT think the favor the guy was gonna ask for was for Cage to kill someone?"

A Thousand Words (Coming soon)

"Broad, high-concept comedies like this (Liar, Liar comes to mind) often work. Wish I'd thought of that premise."

"High-concept... or gimmicky? It worked for Liar, Liar, not so much for Yes Man. It's all in the execution."

"I agree it's a great premise but judging from that trailer, they're not doing enough with it. I was expecting to laugh out loud watching that preview and it just didn't happen."

"This movie would work better with a stronger supporting cast. Someone like Chris Tucker as the best friend and Halle Berry instead of Kerry Washington as the girlfriend."

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Hey Everyone, It's Trailer Friday!
Trailer Friday for November 25, 2011

Defending Isiah

Sportswriter Jackie MacMullen has co-authored a new book with Magic Johnson and Larry Bird focused on their relationship and rivalry, which began when the two faced off in the 1979 NCAA Championship game and continued as the pair became (arguably) the greatest NBA players of the 1980's.

Thus far, the most compelling thing about this book (and what everyone’s talking about) are Magic’s comments about his “friend” and fellow NBA Hall of Famer Isiah Thomas. Before I get into that, however, I’ll provide the backstory (word of warning, there’s a lot of it), do my best to identify all the different players (no pun intended) in this drama, and determine what could have possibly led to Magic’s very curious claims and allegations against Thomas.

Magic and Isiah traveled many of the same roads. Just two years apart in age, the two grew up in the midwest -- Magic’s roots are in Lansing, Michigan, Isiah’s in Chicago. Both are point guards that led their college teams to NCAA titles as sophomores, and each turned pro immediately after. The future superstars signed with the same sneaker company (Converse) and shot TV commercials together. But even as the two struck up a friendship and rose to become the best point guards in their conferences, their professional careers, personalities and reputations were quite different. Isiah wound up drafted by the lowly Detroit Pistons and endured several miserable seasons on losing teams. Detroit was then, as it is now, a blue collar town -- harsh, gritty, tough. Beginning with Isiah, Pistons owner Bill Davidson, GM Jack McCloskey, and head coach Chuck Daly slowly set about building a winning franchise by assembling parts (Bill Laimbeer, Rick Mahorn, Joe Dumars, etc.) and developing an extremely physical style of play the rest of the teams in the league would come to hate but wouldn't be able to match.

Magic, meanwhile, joined the Lakers, already a winning franchise with All-Star players Jamaal Wilkes, Norm Nixon, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Johnson flourished in glamorous Los Angeles and enjoyed immediate success as an NBA champion and Finals MVP and quickly became L.A.'s media darling with the brilliant smile.

But on a deeper level, what was taking place with Magic and Isiah would prove to be at the root of all the animosity and bad feelings that have now developed between the two. Magic, because he was in L.A., was schmoozing, ingratiating himself to others, and playing to the media. It was Hollywood after all, and image was everything. Isiah, meanwhile, didn’t care about his image or how he was perceived by others. He was more focused on trying to turn his team into a contender and orchestrating the on-court and front office moves that would make his team as good as it needed to be to become winners. Magic and the Lakers were already winners. They were beating everyone and looking good doing it. Thomas and the Pistons aspired to beat everyone... while beating them up. This is how it all began -- Magic becoming “Showtime” and Isiah a “Bad Boy”.

Throughout the early 80's, Magic and his Lakers versus Bird and the Celtics was the premiere rivalry in the NBA. But by 1987, the Pistons were also a legitimate power, losing the conference championship to the Celtics in seven games. The following year, Detroit made it to the championship against the Lakers and a good part of the story revolved around the two good friends and All-Stars (Magic and Isiah) finally facing each other for the crown. In a move that seemed strange to most, the pair actually kissed (European style) before every game. The Lakers wound up winning the series in seven and it looked like a new rivalry was born.

By this time, Magic and Isiah were like brothers. Johnson often let Thomas stay at his home and drive his cars whenever the Pistons came to town. Once, after the NBA Finals, the two took a suite at the Helmsley Palace and spent the weekend in New York.

But things started to unravel after Magic’s announcement in November 1991 that he was HIV positive. Magic’s startling revelation and subsequent departure from the game stunned the sports world and the speculation soon began as to how Magic got HIV, as well as who might have given it him. (One popular rumor identified porn star Heather Hunter as the source.) In any case, Magic was barely gone two months, when he was given special permission to play in the 1992 All-Star Game. Isiah, then president of the NBA Players’ Association, played a major part in getting this done when he petitioned Commissioner David Stern’s office for Magic’s inclusion even though sponsors were skittish and many players had concerns about playing with Magic. (Karl Malone, for instance, then one of the league’s biggest stars, expressed his inner paranoia publicly when he questioned the idea of Magic’s full-time return to NBA and worried what would happen if Magic suffered an on-court cut and started bleeding.) Thomas’ recollections of defending Magic during this time are crystal clear:

"They weren't going to let Magic play in the All-Star Game; all the players were coming out [against him]. You know how that all got turned around? I had a meeting with all of the players -- and I told them not only was he going to play, but we were going to shake his hand and give him a hug. And I was the first to shake his hand and hug him and give him a kiss, to let people know that's not how the virus is spread. Call Charlie Grantham [the former union executive director and COO] and ask him how Magic got to play in the All-Star Game. Ask him who called the meeting."

That game wound up being a celebration of Magic. Johnson and Thomas repeated their famous kiss ritual and Isiah led the rest of the eastern All-Stars in laying off Magic (to an almost embarrassing degree) and letting him score at will so he could claim MVP honors in what we thought at the time would be his farewell to the league.

It was immediately after these events that another rumor about Magic’s HIV began circulating, albeit in a much less public fashion than the speculation about Heather Hunter. This rumor claimed that Magic had gotten HIV because he was gay or bisexual. Few then (or now) believed it, particularly not Magic’s teammates or his other close friends.

Which brings us to Magic’s assertions in MacMullan’s book. He claims that it was Thomas who spread this rumor, that he (Magic) was tremendously hurt by this, that it led to the complete dissolution of his and Thomas’ friendship, and that this failed relationship has been, “the biggest personal disappointment of his life.”

Isiah, for his part, says, "Magic acted and responded off some really bad information that he got… I think Magic has been misled on a lot of things, and unfortunately this has been another one of them. I am hurt and disappointed that he has chosen to believe others as opposed to his closest friends.”

Thomas doesn't stop there. In his own defense, he's called Magic out and questioned his character and forthrightness by claiming, “There is this public person and then there is this b.s. person. There's Earvin and then there's Magic.”

Magic’s thoughts about Isiah seem less than credible for several reasons. For starters, why has Magic waited until now, eighteen years after the original events took place, to make all this known? Has he secretly hated Thomas all these years? Isiah says that whenever he’s seen Magic over the years, “he has always been friendly.”

Second, as Thomas himself has pointed out, he was Magic’s closest friend and the two men had engaged in very unusual public displays of affection. This being the case, Thomas is 100% right when he says, “if I was questioning [Magic’s] sexuality, then I was questioning mine too. That's how idiotic this is.”

Then there's the idea of motive. Why would Thomas want to spread such a damaging rumor about his closest friend? It seems unlikely given Thomas’ history. In his dealings with Stern and his fellow players, he had just stood up for Magic in this regard. Also, Isiah’s brother Gregory had AIDS, so it's likely Thomas must have had some understanding and sensitivity towards those with HIV. Wouldn’t a more likely source of the defamatory rumor about Magic be someone like Malone, who was very vocal about his concerns over Magic coming back and having to play against him? Or someone like the Miami Heat's Tim Hardaway, the poster boy for homophobia who was quoted as saying, “I hate gay people and I don't like to be around gay people” and “I wouldn't want [a gay teammate] on my team.”

Hardaway made those comments in 2007 but was an NBA All-Star (and was being considered for the Dream Team) at the time the Magic rumor started. Make no mistake, back then, there was still a great deal of ignorance regarding HIV and AIDS -- enough that the Magic rumor could have been started by literally anyone, and not necessarily out of malice, but through a lack of knowledge about how HIV is contracted. Truthfully, how could Magic, or anyone else for that matter, definitively know the origins of this rumor? Magic says that his agent at the time, Lon Rosen, is the one who told him it was Isiah. This “he said, she said” looks to be the extent of Magic’s proof and it seems (either immediately or after contemplating things all these years) he's convinced himself that Rosen is telling the truth.

And why not? Isiah’s an easy target -- someone the public is willing to believe the worst about. But Isiah also happens to be someone people (including Magic’s inner circle of old NBA buddies and associates) might want to lay this rumor-starting thing off on. Could Magic’s allegation be part of a larger conspiracy against Isiah that’s been going on for years?... It’s not as far-fetched as it sounds. Isiah’s track record during his playing career certainly made him more than his share of enemies. Among other things:

• After the Pistons were eliminated in the ’87 conference finals, Isiah (in what was perceived by white America as nothing short of blasphemy) disparaged Larry Bird when he said that “if he weren’t white, he’d be just another good guy.”
  
  
• When Detroit was on the verge of a championship, Thomas ran Adrian Dantley out of town by getting management to trade him for Dallas’ Mark Aguirre, Thomas’ old friend from back in Chicago.
  
  
• At the end of the Game 4 of the ‘91 Eastern Conference Finals, just as the Chicago Bulls were about to complete a sweep, Thomas led his teammates off the floor and right past the Bulls bench with time still left on the clock.
  
  
• And perhaps most famously, Thomas allegedly masterminded a “freeze-out” of Jordan during the 1985 All-Star Game.

Certainly these aren’t the only reasons why Thomas seems to be so intensely disliked now. He did, after all, run the CBA, the NBA’s beloved farm system, into the ground. He also dreadfully mismanaged the New York Knicks, one of the league’s crown jewel franchises, setting the team back for years to come. But does any of this mean Isiah is a false friend who did Magic dirty? (If being a bad front office exec means you're a bad person, than Elgin Baylor is Lex Luthor, Hannibal Lechter and Vlad the Impaler all rolled into one.)

Many of Isiah's other actions are at least somewhat defensible. Consider:

His comments about Bird were in support of ones made by Dennis Rodman. Lost in the crush of anti-Isiah sentiment that exists today, is the fact that it was Rodman who originally made derogatory remarks about Bird, claiming that he was overrated and that he had only won multiple MVPs because he was white. Isiah chimed in in defense of his younger teammate. Also, remember that these comments were made only minutes after the Pistons were eliminated from the playoffs and that Isiah knew he had given away the series in game five when his lazy pass was stolen by Bird. Under those circumstances, you’d think Thomas’ comments about Larry Legend could be brushed off as sour grapes…They weren’t. Race is always a hot button for reporters, and the media (fresh off the feeding frenzy that ensued after Al Campanis' controvesial statements) blasted Thomas.

For sure, Thomas had the ear of both GM McCloskey and owner Davidson, and often pulled strings to get his way. And yes, Thomas engineered the Dantley for Aguirre trade. But how is this any different than Kobe Bryant running Shaq out of L.A.? ... Or his attempt to force an Andrew Bynum for Jason Kidd deal a few years later? Individual star players in the NBA (moreso than in any other professional sport) can have a great deal of influence on management decisions. The smart ones sometimes use this influence to make power moves or even hold their teams hostage. Look at what the Cavs have done over the last two years in efforts to appease LeBron. But no one holds this against King James. He just "wants to win." One can argue that if the Dantley/Aguirre deal doesn’t get done, the Pistons never get over the hump and claim their two titles. And at least Isiah was never responsible for getting his championship-winning head coach fired the way Magic did Paul Westhead. (It’s interesting how history seems to have forgotten this dirty little detail about the beloved Magic’s career.)

The Pistons walkout at the end of game four in ’91 was completely classless and maybe the worst display of bad sportsmanship ever (not counting that New Mexico soccer chick.) But you know what? The Pistons did it as a team, and it was completely in character. It was the end of a long and very fierce rivalry that took place back in the days when NBA rivals (particularly in the Eastern Conference) were often bitter enemies. There was animosity between the Sixers and Celtics (Bird and Dr. J threw punches during a playoff game) and Detroit HATED Boston because they had what the Pistons wanted -- conference titles and championships. The Celtics hated the Pistons right back (Robert Parrish clubbed Laimbeer in the face, for crying out loud.) Later in the decade, on their way to conference titles, Detroit eliminated the Bulls from the playoffs three straight seasons. The Bulls hated them for it and because the Pistons physical style made them a frustrating team to play. And while I’m not forgiving the ’91 walkout, for two teams that despised each other, hugs and warm handshakes at the end would have been disingenuous. At least give Isiah credit for not being two-faced.

And as for the infamous '85 All-Star Game freeze-out, the story goes this way:  some of the Eastern Conference All-Stars resented Michael Jordan’s rapid ascension into super-stardom and were jealous of his fat Nike contract and all his other endorsement deals. Jordan, it seems, was rising too high too fast and the East All-Stars, led by starting point guard Isiah, conspired to keep the ball out of Jordan’s hands and limit his scoring opportunities. Isiah, it’s said, had extra motivation to do this because the game was played in Indianapolis. This was Isiah’s territory, conspiracy theorists would have you believe, because Isiah played at Indiana. It was bad enough that Jordan was now the toast of Thomas’ home town of Chicago. He’d be damned if he was going to let Jordan grab any glory in Hoosier land. By game’s end, MJ was limited to 2 for 9 shooting and had only seven points.

But the reality is there was no freeze out. Jordan simply had an off night shooting and his playing time was limited by East coach K.C. Jones who gave Jordan’s backup, Sidney Moncrief, the same number of minutes as Michael (22).

Also consider that Isiah played less than half that game. This means that in order to effectively freeze out Jordan, he would have had to have the cooperation of backup point guard Dennis Johnson and others on the Eastern squad. It’s doubtful that Thomas, then just 24 years old could have persuaded DJ and veteran teammates like Erving, Moses Malone, and Robert Parish to participate in his alleged plot.

And yet the idea of a villainous Thomas screwing Jordan over has endured, even though Jordan himself (most recently, at his Hall of Fame Induction) has dispelled the idea. (Let’s see, a claim of alleged backstabbing by Isiah that turned out to be false… Interesting.) But even as the freeze-out has now been revealed to be little more than NBA folklore, at the time, Jordan and everyone else was more than willing to believe it was real. Indeed, in Jordan’s eyes, it was real enough for him to use as a reason to keep Isiah off the Dream Team. When the IOC ruled that U.S. pro athletes would be able to compete at the Barcelona Olympics, and USA Basketball set about building a team, Jordan kept everyone at bay with a host of non-committal remarks that he was "very interested" in playing. Jordan was at the absolute peak of his power during this time -- NBA champion, reigning MVP and the unquestioned face of the league. USA Basketball, the NBA, and Nike, among others, desperately wanted Michael to play, but Jordan couldn’t stand Isiah. Beyond the events of the ‘85 All Star Game, Jordan still resented Thomas for all that had taken place during their playoff battles, for the Pistons’ on-court thuggery, for the “Jordan Rules” that had frustrated him for years, and for other reasons that only Jordan himself could justify. (To be sure, if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Michael’s very bitter induction speech, it’s that the man can hold a grudge, and that he takes both real and imagined slights against him personally.)

So as it turns out, there was a plot involving Isiah and Jordan -- except Thomas was the one that got screwed. As a condition for Michael joining the Dream Team, Isiah would be left off. Magic, meanwhile, has his own take on this incident. “Isiah killed his own chances when it came to the Olympics,” he says. “Nobody on that team wanted to play with him... Michael didn't want to play with him. Scottie [Pippen] wanted no part of him. Bird wasn't pushing for him. Karl Malone didn't want him…”

Really Magic?... NOBODY?

Well we already know why Jordan and Magic were against him. Pippen was a Bull and Jordan’s wingman, so it’s no surprise that he’d also object to teaming with Isiah. And after years of Bad Boys-Celtics run-ins and the remarks from back in ’87, you can see where Bird would be opposed. But what could guys like Chris Mullin, David Robinson and Clyde Drexler (guys Isiah hardly knew and rarely played against) possibly have against him? Not that it really mattered. Jordan’s word was law and as soon as he made his feelings known, Isiah’s participation was no longer a consideration.

But it’s curious that in the MacMullan book, Magic would, on the one hand, accuse Thomas of stabbing him in the back by way of false innuendo, but then stop short of naming that as the reason he helped keep Thomas off the Dream Team. It’s as if one had nothing to do with the other. And maybe it didn’t. Maybe Thomas’ exclusion had more to do with the types of actions and behaviors Davidson was alluding to when he said:

"I was very, very close to Isiah, and there were times he was almost like a son. But, because of his background... I told him he had to change... I said, 'You've got it made now. Don't keep doing those things that you've been doing.'… But he couldn't change...We just come from different backgrounds. He had to fight his way up, and I didn't have the problems he had growing up. There's a lot of good things about Isiah, but when we had our parting, it was over something pretty substantial."

Those unnamed things were substantial enough for Davidson to renege on an offer he purportedly made to Isiah to join the Pistons front office after his playing career ended -- a position that later went to Thomas' backcourt mate Joe Dumars.

Perhaps those things are what Magic meant when he said, “Isiah killed his own chances…” and why he never stuck up for Thomas, the way Thomas stuck up for him with Stern prior to the ‘92 All-Star Game. Still, one wonders why Magic, like Davidson, doesn’t go into detail or offer any insight as to why Thomas was, is, or should be so reviled.

Even some of Thomas' former teammates, John Salley for instance, have mixed feelings about him. It’s puzzling given all the man’s positives. Over the years he has been heavily involved in charitable and humanitarian causes, including personal outreaches to curb gang activity, organizing “No Crime in Detroit Day” and donating both his time and money to numerous causes. Indeed, Thomas was once awarded the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award as the most charitable player in the NBA.

Thomas did a lot for his fellow NBAers as well. During his time heading the players’ union, he successfully negotiated to reduce the agents' cut of contracts from 10% to 4% -- a move that most assuredly drew the ire of many an agent... including one Lon Rosen.

Speaking of Rosen, Thomas had this to say about him:

“I think you can go back and look in that era and see who [Magic’s] closest friends were, and who his closest friends are now. At that time, I don't consider Lon Rosen to be one of his closest friends; he was one of his business advisers making money off him."

Maybe there are two sides to Isiah. But it seems this may be true of Magic as well. One thing about Magic’s issues with Isiah, however, seems fairly certain -- like everyone else, he isn’t really sure who started the rumor about him, particularly after so much time has passed. And in their rush to sell books via rash, reckless, headline-grabbing accusations, neither MacMullan nor Magic ever connect any dots or present any type of compelling evidence against Thomas. It's all thoughtless conjecture.

And once again, why are we just hearing about this now? This all started close to 20 years ago. If Magic has known it was Isiah all these years, why did he continue to be friendly towards the guy? Thomas says, “Whenever [Magic] came to a Knick game, he was standing in the tunnel with me. He and [Knicks assistant coach] Herb [Williams] and I, we would go out to dinner in New York.”

This all seems easy enough to confirm. Someone just needs to check with Williams. And if Isiah’s story is true, then the questions should shift back to Magic. Why would you be friendly and go out to dinner with someone that’s backstabbed you? Someone, according to MacMullan, “with whom your relationship was over many, many years ago.”

When you hold Magic’s version of events up to the light of day and consider what his reasons might be for calling out Isiah almost two decades after the fact, you come back to one incontrovertible fact -- Magic is hawking a book. He’s selling his story and every good story needs good guys and bad guys. When the Game Was Ours is supposed to be about Magic and Bird. But that’s old hat… Michigan State-Indiana State, Lakers-Celtics, series clinching sky hooks, we’ve heard it all before. What the story needed was a villain...

I guess Magic and MacMullan either found one or invented one.