Observations from a Cross-Country Drive (with Pop Culture References)

I recently drove from California to New Jersey in three days... 

That's right, three days.

Here are the takeaways and some of the high (and low) lights: 

Yuma, Arizona is unfathomably hot.

I don't mean really really hot; I mean not suitable for human beings hot. I don't even know how plant and insect life can survive hot. I stopped there to buy a sandwich, got out of the car, made it halfway through the parking lot, and was ready to turn back. Matthew Broderick in Biloxi Blues described it quite well:

There are no bagel shops in Odessa, Texas.

I spent the night there, got up and wanted to have a quick breakfast. So I asked Siri where the closest bagel shop was... She showed me a bunch of donut places... 

I asked again and the same thing happened. Upon further investigation, I learned that most of west Texas was devoid of bagels and I would need to go about 90 miles to get one. If Kramer from Seinfeld was with me he would loudly be declaring the following:

After leaving Texas I wound up in something called "Texarkana". 

As near as I could tell, this is some odd, hybrid region of the country that combines the oppressive heat of Texas with the mind-numbing hick-dom of Arkansas. Needless to say, I kept the windows rolled up and sped through it as quickly as possible, lest I encounter any of the the local yokels. 

Also while n Arkansas, I stopped at a convenience store and picked up a couple of bags of Rap Snacks.

What are Rap Snacks you ask? Well they're just plain old potato chips and other salty snacks offered in packaging with pictures of Migos, Notorious B.I.G., and even Cardi B. What's interesting is that Rap Snacks seem to be more popular and widely marketed throughout the south. It's a sobering reminder of the subtly racist tropes and stereotypes that still exist and continue to be perpetuated in this country and across every strata of our society... apparently even our consumer products packaging.

While driving through the south I was careful not to run afoul of sheriffs like Buford T. Justice and J.W. Pepper.

By far, the most tedious part of the drive was through Virginia. 

Governor Youngkin, please prioritize making your highways less boring because while driving through your snoozefest of a state, this almost happened to me twice:

Those QPCs are quite odiferous.

There are SO many rest stops in Pennsylvania and every single one of them has a McDonald's. The result is, you can smell quarter pounders up and down the highway for miles.

The Donnas are the best driving music band of all time.

The all-girl band's distinct mix of hard-charging rock and simple but fun punk-pop (e,g, "Pass It Around", "Are You Gonna Move It For Me", "Fall Behind Me") is infinitely listenable and kept my foot on the accelerator for hours at a time.

Astronomers estimate there are about 100 thousand million stars in our galaxy...

That's only about a dozen or so less than the number of bugs that splattered on my windshield over the course of my 2800+ mile journey. When it's that many bugs, combined with the 70-80 mph speed, the bugs (or what's left of them) get practically permanently embedded in the car's windshield and hood. And then you throw in the heat -- at some points upwards of 100 degrees -- and the mess all gets baked in and actually becomes part of your vehicle. Seriously, by the time I arrived in NJ the front half of my car looked like this Jackson Pollock...